I just wanted to ask for some prayers. I am really struggling right now with mommyhood. I have had such a hard few days and I am just not wanting to be a mom right now. I love my kids more than anything, but I don't love their behavior. I don't know any effective form of discipline - nothing I have tried works. My kids are getting more and more out of control and I just feel so lost and helpless. The name calling, not listening, physical fighting, etc. are just wearing me out. My kids are so lovable and sweet when they want to be, but I feel they are just walking all over me right now. I don't know how to handle it anymore! I feel like I am completely failing at motherhood. I read over my last several posts and they are honestly pathetic. I am embarassed by how things are. I am really struggling and don't want my kids to suffer from my inability to parent effectively. I never could have imagined it would turn out like this. I always wanted to be one of those moms that has it so together and has kids that listen.
I just needed to whine a bit. I guess I should go clean and get ready for round 2 when the kids come home.
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10 comments:
Oh Amanda! You sound just like I did when Dawson was three years old! He was completely out of control and I even resorted to spanking (I am not one to spank) and when I spanked him, he turned around and laughed at me and said "That didn't hurt ha ha ha!" He had me in the bathroom in tears to my husband almost everyday. At the time, I was in a mom's group and got lots of good advice from them and I decided to just dedicate 2 or 3 days to just dicipline Dawson for every single thing he did that was not okay. I made sure I didn't miss a thing or let anything slide and just stuck to my guns. I made him stand in the corner for one minute while holding a quarter with his nose against the wall and if he dropped it, I started his time over. If he spit on someone or said a bad name, I put two drops of vinegar on his tongue and told him that when he offends with his mouth, his mouth would be punished. If he hit someone, I would give him a swat on the palm of his hand with a paint stick and I told him if he offended with his hands, his hands got punished. He started to learn the connection between the offense and the punsihment and it only took 2 days of doing this and he was a totally different kid!
So, what I am saying is that you just have to sit down and come up with a plan on what you will do for punishment for each thing they do wrong and the moment they do a wrong, step in and give them the punishment! I know you have three of them and it makes it a whole lot more work but if you dedicate this time to do comando parenting and be consisitent and not miss a thing, I promise you things will get better! If you need any advice on punishments or anything else, please email me and I would be glad to help. I will definitely pray for you!
One piece of advice is that when the kids deliberately make a mess, make THEM clean it up. Like when they dumped the cereal on the floor, make them clean it. If they deliberately poop on the floor, hand them the gloves, papertowels or whatever and make them clean it up themselves. If you start holding them accountable, they will stop all the defiant behavior! Gosh, I just wish I could come out and help you!
oh my I feel for you and I think everyone has felt like that one time or another. Just because we love our kids doesn't mean we can always handle the constant battles non stop. You need a break. I don't have any real advice for the discipline, taking toys away from my son worked most of the time. Having 3 I don't know what I would do. Good luck and I am praying for you.
I agree with holding them accountable. It drove me nuts that tanis would clean up so well at school and then come home and dump every single toy on the floor. I have finally instituted the policy that, every night before bed, he cleans up all toys and puts them away properly. I will help him, but anything I have to do myself gets put away for a week. I feel like a horrible person when he screams and cries, but he is starting to get much better about it.
I know that it is just a horrible feeling when you punish them and they cry and call you mean, etc., but in the long run you are doing them a favor. Kids want structure, and they are testing to see how far you'll let it go. Just remember, at school, they have to clean up their own messes, and (I assume) they do it without complaint.
When it gets too overwhelming, and I can only imagine, with all of them, just take a deep breath, and then deal with whatever it is one step at a time.
Oh mercy. I would love to talk to you about this on the phone since i have too many things to say ont he matter. BUT, the bottom line is THEY HAVE TO KNOW WHO IS BOSS...PERIOD.
I feel that Sammy knows that Mommy will do what she says 100 percent of the time. That is it. If i say it, i mean...so get doing what I asked.
Yeah I agree with all of those, pretty much it's consistency. If they get the same punishment each and every time and if you threaten something and follow through with each and every time, you should be able to get results. It's so hard, because you start to feel so tired and worn down and you just want to say fine, you can get away with it this time, but as soon as you do, you have to start all over again. Hopefully it would work quickly. I can't even wrap my mind around doing this with triplets. I would be struggling to just keep my head above water. I think you are doing amazing and most importantly care about how your kids are turning out. How many mama's do you see out who obviously don't give a rats patootie!?!? We'll all here for you, whine whever you need to!!
I do not even know what to say. Take the advice of all of these women. I agree with them.
Hang in there. You are an awesome mommy. I don't think any of us can even understand what it must be like to have triplets and then add one more into the mix. Maybe Lura understands a little with having 3, but I don't know.
We are here to listen to your whine and vent all that you need to. That's what friends are for! :) Good luck.
POSTY POST POST!
Well, I have never had an overwhelming desire to post like this before, but here it goes.
First of all, I think the struggle of being a good parent is one we can all relate with. I don't think any of us can say that we have not had a moment (or 5) that we question our abilities to be a good parent. After all, we are trying to give our kids the best of everything and the best parent is among those things. Each of us is the best parent we can be at the time we are doing it. Hindsight is always 20/20 and we will always find faults in the things we do, but as long as we learn from those things, that is all that matters.
We are never given a cross that is too much to bear even though the weight of it seems overwhelming at times.
I personally have been motivated by the things you have posted on your blog recently. Cheryl and I have read them together, and although we have laughed out loud at more than a few of them, we are certainly laughing with you and not at you.
I can say for myself, that I see your attitude on life as very uplifting. Here I see a person with so many reasons why they may feel sorry for themselves or say why me, but you NEVER do that. You take ever lemon the world gives you and make the most wonderful sweet and delicious lemonade possible out of it.
A number of times just recently I have found myself in a tough spot at home or at work and have thought of you for the inspiration on how to handle the situation. I admire what you do and although I have never met you for a second personally, I am impressed by you.
So, in finality, I can certainly understand what you are going through, but please, keep your incredibly positive attitude and demeaner about you and pass me another tall glass of that ice cold lemonade. I am sure it would hit the spot for both of us.
I hope it wasn't "weird" that a guy lurker decided to post, it just seemed like I needed to say something.
By the way, this is Cheryl's husband in case you were wondering who the heck I am.
Amanda, how is everything going??? I have been praying for you and I am worried about you so please let us know how you are! I miss you!
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