My post yesterday was just me blowing off some steam. I didn't mean anything offensive by it. I am just working through a lot right now with my feelings and things. I have always lived worrying about what other people thought of me and it is a hard thing to break. I received an excellent email from a friend last week that really struck a chord with me and I am going to print it out and carry it in my wallet with me so that I can read it when I need to hear it. It said a lot about worrying too much what others think. Like it or not I do care about what others think and it can be really damaging. I have a hard time expressing my opinions & feelings because I worry too much about whether or not what I say will hurt anyone. I don't want to cause hurt to ANYONE! I disagree with a very close friend about sports and kids. (You know who you are!!!!) Yesterday the conversation steered in that direction and instead of engaging in a discussion as to why she feels the way she does and I the way I do, I closed the topic. Why? Because I was worried a difference of opinion would negatively affect our 25 plus year friendship? We are each entitled to our opinion, but I felt to disagree with her would cause her to become upset and I didn't want to do that.
I know I come off weak and uneducated a lot because I don't engage in "controversial" discussions. I worry too much about hurting feelings and possibly losing friends. Like I said, I am working on it, but I am no where near where I strive to be. I would love to put a post on here about something I feel strongly about with out feeling like I needed to apologize or add a disclaimer. That is not who I am, but that is who I want to be. But I never want to get to the place where I don't care about other people's feelings at all and just be flat out rude and judgemental. I feel that there is a very fine line in that area.
I pray that eventually I will get there. I figure it is at least a good thing that I recognize this is how I am and that I have the desire to change.
Thanks for listening.