Full Body Shot now available....

So Lura posted pics from Tanis' party with some full body shots of me. The pics are horrible and show my weight gain....but I am not begging her to take them down. I will post a few on here so you can all see where I am basically starting from. It was a real shock to me to see them as that is not how I see myself. I still see myself in my smaller body although I know that is not reality. It is difficult to look at them and to feel good about myself, but maybe it will serve as motivation.

Fun Pics

Don't you love the raccoon eyes? I am glad I saw this before I went to the store!!

What a good match!

Yesterday was Gabe's first Halloween Party and The triplets Fall Festival. Everyone had a good time. Gabe was Harry Potter, and was a very cute HP. He had a good time, won some prizes, and played lots of games. He also went on a haunted trail and was chased by chainsaw weilding maniacs! We met up with Tanis and Kellie at the festival. While Kellie volunteered at a game, we took the 4 triplets! around to games and ate hot dogs. They had a good time and were fairly well behaved.

My four lovelies got up at 5 o'clock yesterday morning and were up incredibly early again today! I am hoping for an early bedtime and lots of sleep tonight for them. I am going to be doing a lot of cleaning this evening and organizing. I plan to throw away a lot of crap that has once again collected. If anybody has a need for unorganized crap, let me know and you can see it before I trash it!

Gabe wants me to look something up, so I will post more later.

Happenings

*Caitlin can't sleep because she has nightmares that she kicks bees.
*Jonathan will only drink out of travel mugs.
*Gabe's teacher is averaging 2 emails a day to me.
*Luke is not happy because real police officers don't have crayon drawings on paper for id badges.
*Caitlin wants to be a cheerleader for Halloween, but can only wear red. The blue and gold sparkly cheerleader outfit she has just won't do.
*Jonathan wants to be a witch.
*Gabe starts physical therapy next week. He still needs to take out the trash on Thursday nights. Everytime it is mentioned he suddenly develops a stronger limp.
*Luke won't leave his pants on and has taken to refusing to wear underwear to bed.
*Gabe is completely done with Football. The dr. won't release him. I think he is not so secretly relieved.
*The kids all brought home 5 foot bunches of rushes from LOGOS last night. What in the world am I supposed to do with those???
*I get to see Cheryl and Kevin soon!!!!!!
*I am going to sew a purple and black cape and deck it out in sequins this weekend.
*I am also busy on all sorts of Christmas projects. Ho Ho Ho!!!
*Sean's long lost uncle contacted the family for the first time since the mid 80's yesterday. He had to be told his neice, nephew, and mother had all died.
*I am going to wash dishes and get ready to pick up Gabe.

Caitlin's Bed

Sean finished, except for a bit of finishing touch painting around the finials, Caitlin's bed. I love it! He had no pattern or anything. Around the top of the headboard is a decorative trim that I don't think shows up to well in the pictures. She has her princess nightlights, princess bedding, and

Tinkerbear. She will be so excited when she comes home tonight! I am so proud of Sean. I think he did a beautiful job.

I'm just a postin fool......

Two in one day. It must be the new meds! :)
I have been wanting to blog about something that happened a couple of weeks ago. You all know that Gabe has his night terrors. They occur every night, usually twice but sometimes up to a half a dozen times. He never remembers them and is incoherent a lot of the time when they occur. The one night I am referring to he woke up screaming and Sean went in to calm him down. He was sobbing, tears running down his face and saying he wanted to see Mom. So I went in there and it was like he couldn't see me. He then started screaming 'I killed her, I killed her!!' Sean and I tried to get him to stop, but he was out of control crying and screaming. Then he said 'I'm afraid I'm going to hurt her! I'm afraid I'm going to hurt her!' I was shocked. To hear my child say he was afraid he killed me and then he was afraid he was going to hurt me just crushed me. It took forever to calm him down. He hasn't said anything like that since that night, but frankly it scared me! I guess living with a child who has no self control and who wakes up screaming every night and not remembering it will do that to you. He goes to the psychiatrist on the 4th of next month and I am going to mention it then.
I just feel so lost about what to do with him. I also feel so bad that he has to go through this. He really is a great kid. Today he broke out in either a rash or some acne on his chin and around his left cheek. All I could think was that my poor kid who already suffers anxiety disorder and horrible teeth is now going to get pimples. He is going to be a bully's dream! That and I got an email from his teacher that said when he opened his locker stuff fell onto the girl's below and they are complaining that he is so messy. He just can't win! Orthodontics are starting in the early spring, when I am working and income tax comes in. I can always get him to a dermatologist if needed, and I am working at being more organized so he can have a better example.
I am really rambling.
I also realized that my previous post sounded really whiney and pity partish. That isn't how I intended it. It is just all my random thoughts spilling out.

Just another Manic Monday.....

Actually I am not manic, nor am I bi-polar, but boy do I feel like it sometimes! I have mood swings left and right, although they are getting better now that my body is adjusting to this new medication. Chronic depression can be a horrible thing. It wreeks havoc on your emotions, your physical and mental well-being. Add panic attacks to that and you have a hot mess!
I haven't noticed any of the tremors, and there was no sugar present in my urine at the last dr's. appointment. They will be doing blood work in two weeks I believe, just to be safe. I do know that I am not crying nearly as much and I feel generally happier. She upped my dose of the new med. from 2 mg. to 5 mg. That is the average dose for it as an anti-depressant booster.
I took my math final and got a B!!! I am so happy about that. I spent 3 days working on the 50 questions. They were a b*&%!!! I feel so drained from it all. Tonight I start the next section. I need to get this wrapped up.
Sean and I are so strapped right now. It wasn't bad until we started having to pay for all the medical extras. We have spent over one hundred in copays this month. Yes, just October!!! Then you add in meds. and xrays and you have a lot. I don't know what we are going to do, but I am trusting in God. What really stunk is when I put a winter coat on Johnny and it was too short. The sleeves were 3/4 on him! I think Sean's parents are going to buy the kids winter coats for an early Christmas present. Thankfully I have one for Gabe that I found at a garage sale!
I look at all the hardships we have faced and I think that someday we are going to really be able to help someone or many people in need. That is a goal I have. I don't care if we are rich, I just want to be able to be comfortable and not live pay check to pay check. I want to make a difference and do something that is going to help others. That is my mission, I don't want to die (many, many years from now) and have my children wondering what I did to make a difference. Know what I mean?
Have to go. Still wanting to post about something, but will have to do it later! Love you all and hope your days are wonderful!!!!!!!!!

Yesterday about ten in the morning I got so sick! I just layed on the bathroom floor sweating and shaking, it was horrible! Then, the cable was out for over 12 hours and I was alone with the kids....it was such a bad day! Thankfully today is better. I think I had food poisoning. I had no fever or anything, but undescribably severe stomach cramps and other issues. TMI, I know!

Today the kids didn't have school and decided they needed to be up before 7 this morning. I was not happy :(. I don't think they get this sleeping in thing.

Sean is on his way to the nursing home to take his mom home. She has been in the nursing home and/or hospital since March! I hope that this time she does what she is supposed to. I'll believe it when I see it. I am not trying to be negative, but we have all seen how she has done. This time she lost her toes and a portion of her foot....next time I don't think she'll make it out alive.

I am working hard on Christmas gifts. I have also been getting a few things here and there on clearance for the kids. I can't believe it is only 2 months away! Where does the time go?

In a few weeks I am supposed to be going out to dinner with Rhonda and my gay ex boyfriend. That should be an interesting night and I am sure I will have some good pictures!! He is a trip, for those of you on FB it is the Joseph Reed that always has the kooky comments.
I have a post I want to do, but can't right now due to the noise level! I hope to be able to do it when the kids go to bed. It is a venting, hunting for some sort of answer post. Is your interest perked or do I do too many of those type of posts?! :)
I hope you all have a good day!

What a Babe!

I made a sexy me on one of those avatar programs. I think I look pretty hot!

Day 5.5

Here is a shot of Gabe's ankle on this, the 5th day of sprainwatch 2009. He did go to school today so that was nice for his crazy mom!!!

The picture doesn't do show the bruising up the back of his leg. Ouch!

Do you know what?

Chicken Butt.These pics have absolutely nothing to do with anything, but I loved them so I thought I would share.

Gabe is slowly recovering from his fall. His ankle, foot, and leg are ugly shades of bruise. Black, purple, green.....It looks nasty. The doctor is letting him go to school tomorrow, but won't release him for football until next week.

Sean took and passed a course last week and is on his way to getting a class b cdl. He will be able to drive bus if needed now.

I am doing well on my new meds. I have no tremors, and I go to the dr. to get bloodwork etc. on Wednesday. I am actually looking forward to going because I think I have lost some weight and want to have it charted. I am noticing an upswing in my mood, not huge, but noticeable.

My youngest boys are busy losing teeth, when they are not stripping barbies and drawing naked pictures of the babysitter. I could just scream sometimes!!! Caitlin is in a mood because she is not losing teeth yet.

We got to spend some time with my sister in law and her family on Saturday. I got to hold my nephew, Sevastian, for the first time. He is 6 months old and I am just now getting to see him. Actually he is my great nephew - my niece Beth's son. He is adorable, I posted pics. of him on FB. I love spending time with Michele, you are always guaranteed laughter. She and her husband, Keith, are wonderful people.

My grandparents celebrated their 67th anniversary on Sunday. We had dinner at my mom's again. I noticed no odd behavior with my grandpa this time, just the normal. It was a relief. I never addressed the last incident with him or my mom. I just couldn't do it. I just wish I didn't feel so awkward around them.

Well, I am going to sign off and go relax and cross stitch for awhile. Have a great night!

Fun Pictures

Lura, Kellie, Victoria, and Gretchen waiting for their chauffer.

Me, with the sexy hair bows, Gretchen, Victoria, Kellie, and Lura

Vic and Gretchen

Me sporting the fancy hairbows I got for Caitlin.

Gabe laying on the truck mad at me for something!

Caitlin and her fruit sticker

Luke and Johnny showing their missing top teeth. The red in Luke's teeth is the fruit sticker he pressed on them.

Luke and his fruit stickers.

Last night was the Garden Club Auction. Kellie, Lura, Victoria, and I went for a bit of a girl's night out. Tanis and the triplets were at my house babysat by my usual sitter K.C. who said she would do it again, so they must not have been too bad! We had a nice time, although I didn't get anything too exciting. I did get two hairbows for Caitlin. The candy corn one I love, the white and black one I am not fond of but no one else bid on it so I paid a dollar for it because I felt sorry for it.

Apparantly while I was picking up Vic and the sitter, Tanis planted a big smooch on Caitlin. This was after all the kids were looking down each other's pants and Luke was caught standing on the couch naked from the waist down. There is never a dull moment in this house, especially when the four of them get together!!!

Some Reasons I am Happy Today!

1.) The kids homework is all done and put in their backpacks for tomorrow, we have read 2 books, Gabe is getting ready for football and the rest of the night is free time!

2.) I spent 3 hours studying math today. Although later it turned out that I studied the wrong chapter, in fact I don't even have to know this one, I can now do compound and simple interest and figure out how much you need to save today for a purchase 5 years from now with calculating the changing cost of the US dollar.

3.) I am wearing Cheryl's Lady and the Tramp shirt and it makes me think of The Weidenweber's and smile everytime I look down! :)

4.) It is fall and we are planning our yearly orchard trip for the fall harvest days.

5.) I am one day closer to a job! Figure that today is one day closer than yesterday and tomorrow will be one day closer than today.

6.) I actually understand that last statement! How smart I feel!!

7.) I began a halloween cross stitch for a Christmas present for the sister in law that likes me! It is going to be neat and she will love it!

8.) I have begun compiling a list of things that I want to make, give, and/or do for people. It makes me feel so good to do things for others and I want my kids to find the joy in it as well.

What A Day!

What a day this has been! It was a hectic morning getting the kids off to school and I was really testy with Sean. I felt bad about it, he had no clue why, but I knew. You'll find out later.
Yesterday I went to the dentist because I have a lump under my jaw that is very tender. I assumed teeth issues, so I got in to see Dr. Adam. He did an exam and xray and said he didn't think it was anything dental but wanted me to see my fam. doctor, so I got an appointment for this morning.
After getting the kids off to school I went to the appointment. First I got on the scale and there was a 10 pound weight gain! That about did me in. The nurse said that the scale always weighs heavy, but I always weigh on that scale, so it was a 10 pound gain regardless. I told her why I was there and she put me in an exam room. I sat for a few minutes and then started crying! It was awful, I couldn't stop the tears so I just sat and cried! The doctor came in and asked what was wrong. I was so embarrassed! She went and got Kleenex and I told her - "I know it's not why I am here, but I don't think my anti-depressant is effective anymore." She said "Really?!" and smiled. I told her how I have cried so much over the past months and have just felt so down. That I am not able to be the mother I need to be and take care of my family because I can't take care of myself. She listened while I went on and then said that because I suffer from chronic depression medications won't always stay effective. Instead of changing medications again, she is adding a new one. The side effects are Parkinson's like tremors and medication induced diabetes, but they will monitor me very closely. She thinks it will really help me to have this combination.
Then we discussed my lump which is a swelling of the sub-mental lymph node (and yes, we caught the humor in the name!) I told her that the enlarged lymph node in my armpit probably just got tired and moved up. Doubtful. So they will be monitoring this as well, but think it is probably nothing.
So then I told her that I had one other thing to discuss and I held up my swollen, bruised hand. Last night while I was doing homework with Gabe, the triplets were in bed screaming and fighting, Jonathan threw up because I gave him cough medicine, Caitlin had a tantrum over where she was going to sleep, etc. I said "I am just one person! I can't do everything at once!!!" and I pounded my fists for emphasis on the desk. Well, apparantly when you have already fractured a hand, something like that can cause injury again. Huh. So she ordered an xray at the hospital.
I go to leave. I am a mess from the crying, feeling huge from the weight gain, and babying my hand just hoping to make it through the waiting area and out to the car without calling any attention to myself. I did real well until I got to the door. There was a drug rep coming in with many bottles of pill samples stacked in a pyramid on a tray. I held the door for him and as I was closing it somehow managed to hit his tray and the bottles went flying. The waiting room was full and there was not a sound. So I apologized and helped pick them up with tears starting again and make it to my car before the sobbing hits. I get home and tell Sean what happened at the appt. including showing him my hand which I had kept from him. He was so good about everything and held me while I cried for several more minutes. I told him I could go to the hospital alone so he could finish mowing the lawn.
I get there and wait to be called to the window to sign the papers. Again it is a crowded waiting room and I am sitting there with red ringed eyes and the nasty crying look just hoping no one pays any attention to me. They call my name and I go up to the window. I adjust my coat and send the cup full of pens flying! Oh brother!
I finally got the xray and made it home without further incident. Now I am just waiting on the dr's office to call with the results. I am praying for a sprain. I really don't want to be casted again. I know I made it look like so much fun last time, but it really isn't!
The trio just got home and I need to make their snacks and Gabe's dinner before football.
Have a great day!