My Super-city Life!

Because I know you all wondered what I'd look like as a Royal Canadian Mounted Policeperson....

2011-04-19T16:22:00.000-07:00

I miss you guys. It isn't the same.... fb is nice, but the close relationships that I grew to love just aren't there like they are on here. I love you all and hope you are all doing super.

I had it....

2010-12-02T15:50:00.000-08:00

Well, I walked out of my job today. I didn't quit, I just said "I've had it and I am going home. Write me up, Fire me, I really don't care..." I sobbed the entire time I said it.
I have had hardly any sleep and there were several circumstances that led to my breaking point today. Please pray that I still have a job!!

It's me!!!!!

2010-12-01T17:34:00.001-08:00

Hi guys... no long post, but just wanted to say hi and give you all a smile. Carrie's message got me to thinking about blogging again. I miss the closeness I felt with you girls so very much. I love you all and I think about you often, even though I am terrible at showing it. I have some big updates to share, so if I can't sleep later maybe I'll do a post. I am off to work on cleaning right now. yippee.

lots of love!!!

Long Time no post....

2010-10-06T09:12:00.000-07:00

Hi all,
I don't know if anyone even checks this anymore, but I figured I'd blog anyways.

It has been a roller coaster of a few months for me. I guess I will Update in number form.

1. Job- I am still working hard at the job. I am in shipping so I lug 50-75+ lb. boxes for 10-13 hours a day. I am getting quite muscular. It is very intense physical work, but I enjoy it. I get to forget about things for awhile and concentrate on the task at hand. I work with a good bunch of people, we go by family instead of team. So my supervisor is considered my Dad and my coworkers my brothers and sisters. Odd, right? The first time someone asked me where my dad was I answered "He died so he's in Heaven." Imagine the confusion that created! My favorite co-worker comes back from maternity leave at the end of the month and I can't wait.
2. Relationship- Sean has filed the papers for divorce. It is a long story as to why he did, but at least it is done. We both realized that it is unrepairable. I am happier than I have been in a long time and believe that this was the best decision I could make. It is tough, not having that spousal support, financially, and emotionally, but I am making the best of it. I believe that I am a better mother now as well.
No...I am not seeing anyone either. That is a question that has come up numerous times.
3. Health- I just got out of the hospital after a week stay. I don't remember much as I was on morphine and have really no recollection of most of the visit. Basically it was determined that my stomach acid is eating away my small intestine. They have taken several biopsies and results are pending. Also my stomach was inflamed as well as sections of my small intestine. It sounds worse than it is. As long as biopsy results are benign, and they believe they will be, it can be managed with medication. I am feeling better, although tired and a bit cranky.
4. Kids- Gabe started the 6th grade with a mouthful of braces. He looks so darn cute! He is struggling this year as he has in the past and we are looking into testing further for some things. Dyslexia is coming up as a possibility as he is reversing so much. That would actually be a blessing! We would have tools to help him! He also decided to play the Tuba in band so I have the sounds of a dairy farm in distress in my house every night. The trio are active second graders. It is so hard to believe that my babies are already that old! They are doing great in school. The boys have joined cub scouts, and Gabe boy scouts. Caitlin is interested in girl scouts also. They keep me so busy.
I guess that is it for now....I will try to be a bit more regular....

For Crystal

2010-07-10T18:20:00.000-07:00

Who am I?

2010-07-03T18:46:00.000-07:00

That is the question a friend and I were discussing earlier in the week. I thought a bit and came up with what I thought was a pretty decent answer. I won't divulge it all - I want to remain a bit mysterious! But the gist of it was :
--I am a struggling Christian woman learning daily how to accept God's forgiveness as well as how to forgive myself, I am a mother of 4 that would lay down my life for my children's. I love passionately and hurt deeply. I would do anything I could to help out a friend and I would never turn my back on a stranger.--

Like I said, there was more, but that will remain the mystery that is Amanda.

These past few weeks I have experienced a myriad of emotions. I have been angry, hurt, depressed, happy, relieved, anxious, and puzzled to name a few. The whirlwind of emotions is reminiscent of what I felt after my dad died. Not knowing how to claim and accept the feelings, just having them fly around me. That lack of control is frightening. I don't like going almost manic. One minute happy the next angry..... Having no idea when the mood's will change. But that is what I have been dealing with. And it blows, big time.

Decisions that I have made lately have not come without great emotional cost for me and for my family. I had to weigh the effects of my choices carefully and in the end I believe I have done what is best. I have been shunned, I have been criticized, I have been called hurtful, hateful names. If I wasn't already broken, I would have been by those few people. God knows my heart. God knows my situation and He has placed people in my life at the right moments. I have been blessed with an amazing support system, somewhat surprising, but that is God. He does what He knows is best not what we think is.

I know that the description of who I am will change due to this time in my life. I think it is only going to get better. I am going to be able to say "I am a STRONG Christian woman who knows she is forgiven and who has forgiven herself!" I will see great moves in my life, whether it be in the form of a reconciled marriage, a new relationship, strong friendships... I will gain confidence, I will gain a love for me, and I will gain, most importantly, a beautiful relationship with God. I am confident of these things.

My dad

2010-07-02T19:49:00.000-07:00

Times like this I really miss having my dad here. I can imagine sitting with him on the bench by their pond, watching the waterfall and fountain and having a heart to heart with him. He was the best listener when he wanted to be. He was also incredibly stubborn and if he believed he was right, there was no changing his mind.
My dad was a big man. Ultimately that is partly what led to his early death, but it also had it's good points. His hugs were always full and breathtaking! He could easily crush a body in his forearms! His belly was known as the magic belly. If you laid a fussy baby on it, in no time both the baby and my dad would be sound asleep. He came off on appearances alone as imposing and a bit scary to some, but if you got to know him, you knew that wasn't who he was. My dad had a booming, contagious laugh and smile. How he loved to laugh too!
I think I get my sense of adventure from my dad. He was always up for something. My parents honeymoon was a 6 week camping trip across Canada! He loved fishing, canoeing, and camping. My dad and grandpa built their own canoes. I can still picture them patiently steaming and bending the wood with their homemade steamer. It took weeks and months to build, but they were impressive show pieces. My dad also built a cider press that we would use every fall to make homemade apple cider while I was growing up. If my dad could imagine it, he could build it. He was amazing in his workshop.
For being such a big guy, my dad had a variety of activites and hobbies. When I was little he coached ice hockey. We used to ice skate at the pond behind what is now the Elks on 250. My dad would make my mom test the ice and then we would all go out and skate around and around. My dad loved to ice skate. He also played softball, golf, basketball, and pool. He played football in high school and later in college. He loved any sport. My dad also played the flute and piccolo in high school. No one teased him for it either!! He was an alternate to West Point, sang in the choir at church, coached countless sports, headed up comittees, and so on.
My dad loved to travel. We saw many states and countries growing up and then we we left home my parents did even more. Many would be surprised to learn that my dad and mom took a bike trek across the country on Denmark and rode bikes on a volcano in Hawaii. He loved riding bikes.
My dad was a special, special man. He would trade his rocky road ice cream for bubble gum that his daughter insisted she wanted. He would help anyone who asked. He loved life and he loved people. I think that is where I get a lot of it. I miss you Daddy and I love you!!

Diversity

2010-06-22T08:27:00.000-07:00

My life is an open book. The genre may change- some days I live trashy romance novels, some days it's horror, some days it is raw, unfiltered true drama. With me it's a toss up each morning what it will be.

At times I think my "open book policy" is a blessing, other days it is a royal pain in the butt! I don't hide my emotions well. I love with passion, I hurt deeply, joy is hard for me to disguise and so is sorrow. Long ago I learned that openly sharing things about myself can be a way God uses me. I have met wonderful people and have formed lasting bonds due to my willingness to share my experiences, my emotions, and to be accepting of other people.

I spent time considering this last night while I was on Facebook. My friends list is so diverse and each person on there is wonderful in their own way. I realized while just looking through the names that I have been blessed with great people in my life. I have countless friends who are missionaries - spending years serving God in Asia, Mexico, South America, and the U.S.. There are teachers, lawyers, doctors, muscians. I have a friend that left her job as a counselor to focus on writing full time, one who is president and founder of a very successful Celebrity PR firm in the UK and US. There is one who lives in Haiti and works for compassion international, an almost monk turned lawyer, teachers, laborers, nurses, moms, gay men, lesbians, antique dealers, Christians, aethiests..... They are all unique and wonderful people. Even Dennis, who I still have no clue who he is.

Turning down the chance at a friendship because I don't agree with a lifestyle, or religion, or any other difference would not be an option for me. You don't have to love what someone does to love them. I get teased for accepting some of the friend requests I have received on FB. There are people who were mean to me, those who I had no real friendship with growing up or who made my life miserable that friended me and I accepted most of them without hesitation. I don't regret for a minute that I did. I have been blessed with some new, surprising, and wonderful relationships! I believe that God brings people into our lives at times when he knows we will need them. That has been proven to me time and time again lately. I am so thankful for that!

2010-06-02T19:40:00.001-07:00

Luke and Tanis floating on the raft

Writing Mrs. Andrews is great on the school playground

They made me laugh with their version of hopscotch

Such a lady!

Today is the first day of summer vacation. Gabe is at Cedar Point with Scott and the girls and the trio and I are getting ready to make freezer jam - sugar free strawberry!

Gabe worked so hard to earn $160.00 to purchase a Platinum pass. It gives him access to CP as well as soak city for this season. Also free parking, which is 10 bucks now!! This is his second trip there so far, so he has almost gotten his money's worth already.

I have a pig pen house to clean, I don't think I have washed dishes this week at all. Gross, I know.

Sorry for the dull post. I will get on later to do a better one!

Love you girls!!! (And guys too!)

Yummy.

2010-06-01T10:01:00.000-07:00

Dear Lil Wayne,

You are too cute in this Kevin Rudolf video. I could just eat you up! No worries though, you are not on my diet, so I will refrain from eating you. I am sorry you are in jail right now - I hope you use the time to write songs and NOT to get more tattoos. I think you are running out of room on that cute little body of yours. Feel free to look me up when you are released. Maybe we can have lunch together.

You make me smile, Lil Wayne.

Love,

Amanda

And I think to myself - What a wonderful World

2010-05-26T07:18:00.000-07:00

Forgive the writing! I am just trying to put down my random thoughts. No points for creativity here, but that's okay!!
After dropping the kids off at school this morning I drove to the reservoir and took a walk. I have been struggling with some things in my personal as well as spiritual life and needed some time to think and talk to God.
When I got there I parked and finished listening to my program on the radio (Elvis Duran had a funny phone tap this morning!) and watched birds getting frisky in front of my van. They were so funny, but I felt like a bit of a peeping pervert. I got out and started walking. Even though the nearest person was about 50 yards away, that self conciousness hit me immediately. I was ready to turn and walk back to the van when I caught a movement to the side of me. I turned and saw a fish jump. That little thing was enough to make me keep going. I walked as close to the edge as I dared and watched little wonders occuring. I saw a heron eating his breakfast and when I got close enough to cause him concern he took flight. The beautiful long necked bird flew just above the lake and his wing tips skimmed the top of the water leaving a trail behind him. I walked and watched until he was out of sight. Movement again caught my eye and I looked to see countless fish jumping! I figured it must have been breakfast for them too. As soon as one dropped out of sight another appeared. As I continued to walk I saw dragonflies chasing, butterflies, and small birds. When I turned around and walked back I looked down to see a snake gliding through the water beside me. It was at least 2 feet long and so graceful! It stayed with me for at least 50 feet.
I reached the point to turn to go back to the van and decided to keep going. On the other side there were schools of fish everywhere I looked! The sizes ranged from a few inches to minnows and they lined the shore. I passed a fisherman in his boat and exchanged smiles, waves and a few words. It made me think of my dad - he loved to fish. But instead of being sad I smiled at memories of Canada and fishing together on the Ottawa River. About a hundred yards later I watched as a pink mouth came out of the water, rolled, and went under again! I stopped, puzzled - I had no idea what it was. A woman walked up beside me and asked what I was looking at. I told her and she said that the carp were spawning and I probably saw one roll. I waited a few minutes to see if I could see it again, but nothing happened. So I continued on. I reached the bridge and looked down and saw a huge fish swimming in circles. By this point I was grinning like a fool just so happy and in awe of everything I was seeing! I turned around and decided to walk through a field and around some trees. When I cleared the first turn there were several families of geese with babies!!
I walked back up to the path, praising God for his creations and reminiscing about time with my dad. I passed back by the fisherman and spoke a bit more and then continued on. When I looked up I saw a heavyset man with a cane walking perpendicular to me a couple hundred yards ahead. From that distance he looked just like my dad! I know it wasn't, but it made me smile just to think that maybe my dad was looking down watching me this morning.
When I got back to the van, I climbed in and checked my pedometer. I had walked approx. 4,000 steps which is almost half my minimum daily goal!
I was so thankful for the beauty I encountered this morning. I can't tell you the wonders it did for my attitude and outlook as well!
I hope you guys have a fantastic day! Love you all!!

McBride Arboretum

2010-05-25T07:01:00.000-07:00

Running back to the car

Trying to spy fish

Too close to the edge for my comfort!!

Johnny and Luke wanted to pose with the woman's picture that the terrace was named after.

If you look close enough you can see the fish. They thought we had food and kept coming up to the surface.

I said if we are quiet we can sneak up and see the geese up close. So the kids took off running and honking.

Poking the frog.

This guy was HUGE!!!!!

I took my 4 and my sister's 2 to Firelands last week to walk around the Arboretum. The flowers were not blooming yet and it still looked bare, but it was a gorgeous day and we had a fun time walking around the lake seeing fish, geese, and the biggest frog I have ever seen outside of the zoo!

I am looking forward to this fall when they have a garden day where there are artists set up all over painting and we do a nature scavenger hunt. The kids enjoy it so much.

Wassa happenin hotstuff?

2010-05-23T20:00:00.000-07:00

Hey ya'll. So did NOBODY get my Family Guy reference in the previous post? Peter calls Valerie Bertanelli, Valerie Bert and Ernie. It makes me chuckle every time I think of it. Who can get the movie this title is from? Anyone?
This last week was a busy one. I took 6 kids to McBride Arboretum to walk around the lake, chase geese, and poke huge frogs. I helped 2.5 kids learn to ride bikes - Johnny is almost there! We discovered the joys of street (driveway) tennis on our hotpink new to us set. I hosted a 2 night "Nighttime Tinkle Party" which was a rip roaring success?? (Keep yours eyes open for the next one! ) I found the Cholera Cemetary, ate Chinese food, cleaned my bedroom and closet, had girl time with Caitlin, patched up countless boo-boo's on Luke from the bike learning, sewed patches on jeans, cleaned up numerous spills and one flooded bathroom, went garage sale-ing, chatted with old friends, took lots of pictures, learned my mom's dog might quite possibly be a lesbian (another post in itself!)..... It was a whirlwind week of fun and not so much fun adventures.
This week holds promises of being just as fun!!!

Valerie Bert and Ernie

2010-05-19T08:47:00.000-07:00

At the Fire Station

Only a cruel mommy would snap a shot after her baby hit her face on the trampoline! This is before the swelling really started. This picture breaks my heart, but she looks so darn sweet!

Gabe and I after a lengthy hike

Total Daddy's girl!

I think my thighs shrunk a millimeter this morning. They burn like they did! I am really trying to get in gear with serious exercising. My eating has been whacko, but I have had a rough visit this month. ahem. I hope you know what I mean! Not to use excuses, but that can really, really throw everything!

I am busy cleaning as always. Still finding beads and sequins all over the place! I am going to attempt another craft tonight if they are good. We didn't have a great morning with behavior, so I am hoping tonight is better.

I'll post later, gotta run!!

2010-05-17T19:02:00.000-07:00

I have decided that I am a real nut job.
What made me decide this?

The fact that I thought it would be a great idea to have a craft night with my kids.
Saturday night went well, we made hats and bags. They used glitter glue and sequins and had a ball.

Sunday we tried again. Three of the four got beads stuck up their noses. Sadly, my 11 year old was one of the three. Then they jammed beads into their belly buttons so they stuck there. I called it a night when I heard "Don't put sequins on my p#$is. WHAT?????

They have been begging me to do more crafts. I don't know if I can take it! I spent all last night crawling around on my hands and knees digging beads and sequins out of every nook and cranny! I have to take the covers off the heating vents still!

Unfortunately, or fortunately (depending on who you ask) I am stupid enough to try it again! I always figure it can't be as bad as the last time....

Some Pictures to please the post nazi!!!

2010-05-14T19:58:00.001-07:00

My goofy boys. I think Luke looks so sweet here!

Caitlin and Mommy. Ignore how swollen my hands are. That is why I didn't put it on FB! They look grotesque!

I love the crack!!!

My nieces, Carmen and Scarlett at a KISS tribute band concert.

Char - here is my latest project all finished!

I am happy because....

2010-05-13T18:49:00.000-07:00

*I have found the joy in cross stitching again. :) I am sure you saw the picture I posted on Facebook. My mom had it matted and framed for our anniversary. The framing shop costs an arm and a leg. I called Lura and Victoria to make sure I wasn't being taken! It was $97.00 plus tax! I was guessing $50.00 at the most. I am entering it into the fair this summer.

*I have found friendships that I never imagined I would have. One in particular is with a person from my class in high school. In him I have found a supportive, caring, God following/loving/fearing friend. It is amazing the people God will bring into our lives! I also got reconnected with some college friends. It is funny how you can live with people for so long and still not know things about them! I am forming bonds again with some of them and I am grateful to God for those relationships also!

*I am thankful for the laughter Crystal gave me tonight! I sat at my computer in danger of wetting my pants from laughter. Love you Crys!!!

*My friend, Blanche (not the one from the Golden Girls) posted a link to a Joyce Meyer article. Some of you may know I don't always get the point intended by the message. A good example is trying to read Dr. Dobson and only getting that I should kill birds and die while saying grace. This article, I posted the link on FB, really spoke to me! I got from it what I was supposed to and probably more! When Blanche originally posted the article, she put on it that she thought I needed to read it. If she hadn't I probably wouldn't have.

*I am tickled by Urban Dictionary. Someone, I won't mention her name (Uralay) turned me on to it by finding the word Gynosplurge. Look it up! It is gross, but made me chuckle. Since then I have found many useful (?) words to use in everyday conversation.

*I am thankful for my children's health and spirits of adventure. We are planning some fun excursions this weekend - me with the trio and Sean and Gabe. Sean got tickets and pit passes to the racetrack from someone at work, so he and Gabe are having bonding time.

*the support I am finding in my weight loss journey has been amazing. From an ex boyfriend to aqquaintances to wonderful friends! Thank you to Kevin for the uplifting chat and Alan Alda ecard (which was a high point in my day, by the way!).

*Sean and I are may have some good news soon. I can't say much about it only to tell you it does NOT involve kids!!!!

*I beat someone (not Cheryl, I would never brag about beating Cheryl!!! Cheryl, Cheryl, Cheryl....) in Scrabble. Cheryl.

*It is almost summer and even though I moan and complain, I am looking forward to the kids being home!

I could keep going, but I have work to do. Love to you all!!!

From the Heart

2010-05-06T11:08:00.001-07:00

Recently I was faced with the chore of making a difficult decision. It is not something I took lightly, nor did I make a hasty choice. Rather I spent hours agonizing over the decision and praying. I weighed pros and cons, I thought about how the decision would affect my family, my self esteem, etc. It was one of the more difficult choices I have had to make in a long time.

Do I feel I made the right call? Yes I do. Can I say with absolute certainty that I feel there was no other option? Yes I can. Am I ashamed? Embarrassed? Yes, I WAS. Now I realize that I did what I had to do.

I whole heartedly believe that I did what God wanted. Maybe the lesson in this was not for me to be employed, but for me to be humbled. For me to have to face fears, admit flaws, face reproach from my peers, and for me to fully lean on God for His understanding, peace, and mercy. And I am doing that.

I realize from this experience and from the words of more than one person that I really do look to everyone else for approval. I feel I need other's support in every aspect of my life. I am so afraid of hurting someone else by my decisions and actions that I end up hurting myself. I can sit and name several reasons why I do this. I could write a laundry list of people who could be at fault. But that would be passing the blame. The one who is responsible is me.

In the past I made attempts on my own life. There were many reasons, but if I really examine who I was at that time and how I was, I can see that I was living for other people. I wasn't living for Amanda. I so desperately wanted to be accepted and liked that when I wasn't I took it to extremes. Years of counseling and medications got me past the self hurt point, but did it really get me past the way of thinking?

Recent events have definitely proven that I am still the Amanda from years ago. I still seek that approval, need that pat on the back. I need to be reassured that the decisions I make are what's right. When I make a decision what is the first thing I do? Run to others and make sure I am making the right choice. That is no way to live. I need to learn to respect myself and my own opinions. I need to learn that I have to please God, first of all and then myself.

My family fits in there too, but I don't NEED my entire family's ok. I WANT it. When I don't get it that self hate comes right back into play and knocks me down further and further. I want to experience life without constantly looking for that nod.

I know this is probably a jumbled mess of thoughts, but you know what? That is Okay with me!!
I am not going to change overnight. It may be a process that takes months or years. I am a work in progress. I will embrace each stage as it comes and love myself for who I am in the moment.

Happy Friday to You!

2010-04-30T10:25:00.000-07:00

Gabe telling me that he thinks he is too big to see saw with Caitlin

Apparantly this is what happens when my back is turned...

Brotherly Love

Caitlin and Jonathan

Gabe, Jonathan, Luke, Tanis, and Caitlin

Here are some pics of random things. I'll write an actual post later. :)

The Past Week...

2010-03-31T16:59:00.000-07:00

A week ago today I ended up in the hospital. It was a scary bit of time.
I had had a constant headache for about a week and a half that also included dizziness, nausea, and blurred vision. I wasn't making a doctor's appointment for just a headache, so I kept up a constant regimin of motrin every 4-6 hours. Wednesday Sean and I did some errands and were in the van when my left arm went completely numb. I wasn't too freaked out because I had no chest pains at all. Then my tounge went numb, like someone had shot it with novacaine. I thought it would be a good idea to call the dr. for an appointment and they told me to go directly to the ER. On the drive there I lifted my left arm to brush the hair out of my eyes and found I couldn't make my hand work. I knew what I wanted it to do, but I couldn't do it. I had no control over it! Now that scared me!!
I got checked into the ER and they started tests immediately. I had a CAT scan and lab work but the scan was clear. Two dr's came in and several nurses and examined me again. They told me that it appeared I had a minor stroke but needed further testing so they were admitting me. First they wanted to put in an IV. Whooppe. I am not bothered by needles at all, so I don't mind - but my veins are deep, rolling, and impossible to find. I don't know how many times I was stuck, shoulders, hands, and arms until they called in a cardiac nurse to do an ultra sound guided iv. That went without a hitch. By this time I had a killer headache, but an anuerism (sp?) had been ruled out and I could barely see along with the numbness in my arm and tounge.
I had to share a room with a hard of hearing 90 year old woman who provided me with lots of entertainment. But at least I could keep my side dark and block my ears with pillows. That night my IV infiltrated which then it had to be pulled at 4 in the morning. I couldn't sleep so I just laid there with a cold cloth on my head to help the ache. The next day I had 2 MRI's of my brain, a cardiac ultrasound, and ultrasound on my caratoid arteries on either side of my neck, an EKG, and an EEG. It was not the best day. Then another cardiac nurse came in to put a midline IV in that ran from mid upper arm to my shoulder. It was quite a procedure and I thank God for Lydocaine!! I also had to meet with occupational therapists, physicl therapists, and speech therapists daily.
The test results showed no stroke, PRAISE THE LORD!!! The 4 neurologists and internist decided that I was having a complex migraine that had somehow triggered a type of parlysis in my left side. I have weakness in my arm and leg and am on a daily exercise schedule. Today I was finally able to focus enough to drive and get on the computer. I still feel foggy and have moments of dizziness, but nothing as bad as it was. Oh, I also had a sinus infection and inner ear infections.
I meet with the Neurologist next week to figure out a treatment course as they said it would most likely happen again. At least I will be prepared! Thanks for the prayers and support! Love you guys.

Random Goofy stuff

2010-03-17T17:38:00.001-07:00

Gabe played a member of the Elephant troupe in the drama club's production of The Jungle Book at school last night. He was too embarassed to have his picture taken, so I managed to get this while he tied his shoes. He did an awesome job and we are so proud of him!

The stairs are always the happenin' place to be at Auntie Victoria's. Here Tanis and the triplets race down them to go bananas in the playroom!

I took Luke, Caitlin, Gabe, Carmen, Scarlett, and Johnny to the park last Friday. They had a ball playing in the warmer temperatures. This is the most awesome playarea and it is rarely busy.

Johnny, Caitlin, and Luke waiting for the play to begin.

Gretchen telling everyone she is finished with her first birthday cupcake!

Old Grandma blowing out all 90 candles on her cake. The heat was intense! My mom also made 4 kinds of pie to go with the lemon cream cake.

Me showing Sean how to look tough.

Sean looking tough ? I think I was scarier, although he had the head wrap goin' on.

I don't want to be a hypocrite....

2010-03-10T17:15:00.000-08:00

Is that what I would be?? I can't very well complain about how blogworld is and then do nothing about it myself. So here is a newsy post.

As I type this I am multitasking. Doing laundry, cleaning, and yelling at the triplets to go to bed!!! They are in there yaking away to each other. Caitlin is refusing to sleep in her own room again, so she bunks with the boys. Why did we even bother giving her her own room? Bedtime has been driving me nuts. I think I am just so worn out by the end of the day that I have no patience left.

I hope you all saw the great pics on Facebook of my day with Lura. Our tradition is to go out on each others birthdays, or close to it, and spend the day together. We started this year at Panera for breakfast and had delicious pastries and bagels. Then we began the great Thriftapalooza. I made out big at the first one as I found 2 Charlie Bone books for 76 cents apiece!! I am building that collection for Gabe (and myself!) I also got the trio some books. Then we went on to our favorite stop, Faroah's chocolates. We got our 12 pieces and enjoyed them throughout the rest of the day and also got a few goodies to take home. I personally loved the chocolate covered potato chips! On we went to the waterfront, stopped at a park for some photos, and then parked the car to walk a bit. We stopped in the alley for the traditional shot and then went into the wooden apple. Kind of an indoor small flea market. I don't think either of us were successful here and the people were kind of creepy. Next was The Salvation Army thrift store and then TGIFriday's for lunch and laughter. We made stops at the Huron Goodwill, Lake Erie, and Norwalk GW. I got Caitlin a huge purple feather boa and Jasmine high heeled shoes which she adores! It is always so sad when the day ends because we have a ball and enjoy just being dorks together.

Oh~exciting news......Sandusky is finally getting a Sonic!! I am thrilled for the happy hour diet cokes!!!!

Today I went to Sandusky to go to the Red Raven bookstore which is closing at the end of the month. I guess the owners are moving to Florida and opening a dog grooming business. Kind of a drastic career change! They had thousands of books in boxes and bins and you filled a bag for $4.oo. I found 2 more Charlie Bone books, several kid early readers, and about 8 books for myself. I could have spent hours going through the boxes. It was so unorganized, but treasures were hidden I am sure!

I had a clutzy moment last week. Anyone surprised? I went out to get the paper and was walking back to the house reading the front page. Apparantly this was a bad idea because I kicked the step and broke my middle toe on my left foot. It hurt! Sean was a little low in the sympathy department on that one. It feels much better now and the swelling has gone down a lot.

Victoria's little girl, Gretchen, turned one yesterday. It seems impossible to me that she is that old already! Time has just flown. She is a beautiful little girl and I have loved getting to watch her grow from the start. Vic and Tim moved shortly after the twins were born and Andrew was born in Willoughby, so I missed out on their early years. I am so glad to get to be here for Gretchen's! What a blessing she is.

Gabe is in the 5th and 6th grade drama club and they are performing The Jungle Book on Tuesday. This is his first time ever in a play, with the exception of church, and I am so excited for him! He is in the elephant troop. I can't wait!!

He also has started orthodontics. Right now he has an expander that Sean turns with a key each day and a bite block. You can't really understand him too well and he drools constantly! He is pretty miserable, but we keep reminding him that it will all be worth it. He has had some bleeding between the two front teeth which I imagine is from the shifting and lots of achiness. The dr. said he expects this process to last 5 months.

The trio are growing like weeds and making me nutsy. They need spring to get here so they can play outside!!

I have much more to say, but laundry is calling.....

Ya'll are a bunch of wise guys....

2010-03-04T06:57:00.001-08:00

I thought I would try this again. I still don't know what happened last time, but boy was I steamed! I typed several paragraphs of deep, profound, enlightening information. You know that is true, right?!!
I came to a realization last night. I miss blogworld from 2 years ago. I was rereading old posts while trying to look for a picture and got misty eyed. The posts were newsy, fun to read - at times sad too, and the comment sections were full of jokes, support, laughter inducing quips. I miss that. I miss that on all our blogs. So much has changed. I guess I have to accept that and move on. I can try to be newsy again, I enjoyed rereading those things and being remiNded of forgotten moments.
I am in one of those moods where I hate change. I crave stability and certainty. Ever since my dad died and we started with financial issues I have needed that. When I was in counseling that was something we talked about a lot. Losing my dad and my aunts and then my sister in law made everything feel shaky. I worried so much about death and I still do. Then when the financial security rug was yanked out from under us I just about collapsed. Also when my health went downhill it was another sign that nothing is guaranteed. That was a scary time. I was losing on average 20 pounds a month, couldn't tolerate most foods, and was in unimaginable pain. It was a horrendous time. Not just for me, but for my family. I spent my days in constant fear of the unknown. I remember taking xanax on top of all the other medications and just praying for those 15 minutes it took to take effect. The relief it provided was wonderful, albeit just a temporary bandaid. I lived in fear of everything. I remember coming home after my second abdominal surgery and getting off the couch to go to the bathroom. When I stood up my clothes felt wet and I looked down to see my incision had ruptured because my stomach was so swollen, and fluid was gushing out of the hole in my abdomen and puddling on the floor. That moment I was faced with uncertainty. I had no idea what was happening, it hurt like hell, and I was terrified. I thought I was dying. Another time I was in the hospital and the nurses had overmedicated me. They called Sean and my mom and had them come to keep me awake because if I had gone to sleep I might not have woken back up. Talk about Fear!!! If it had been pills they could have pumped my stomach, but this was IV medication they had overdosed me on. They had me up and walking and turned the speed up on the IV full force to flush my system.
What I am getting at is between the experiences I have had and the loss of so many close to me I can justify my fear of death. I know that the Bible has lots of verses on fear. I have read them all, I just can't find the comfort in them. There are some nights I am terrified to go to bed because I am afraid of not waking up. I have not taken Xanax for years, but do take Ativan on a regular basis. Some days I get so angry at my dad and my sister in law, Angie for dying the way they did. They were examples that tomorrow is not guaranteed.
Well, this post did not go as planned. I have so much more to say and much that has nothing to do with this.
I was trying to say that I miss you all.

New Post, of sorts...

2010-02-22T18:42:00.000-08:00

God's Hands

2010-01-28T09:50:00.000-08:00

I am at a point in my life where I need to make a decision and I am stuck. I am completely lost as to what I need to and/or want to do. I am just about done with my course (I am stuck on the last 2 projects and spent an hour sobbing about it yesterday.) and need to look into a job. Yesterday as I was talking to Sean I told him I feel completely unprepared. I haven't retained much information nor do I feel like I got much out of the class. I am a hands on learner and this didn't provide that opportunity. I would be lost if you put me in front of a computer with Excel or Powerpoint and said to use it. But this is what I had to do. We couldn't afford any other option. To take the class through a school it was $735 a month and I didn't qualify for financial aid because there were not enough hours.

We have since found some resources out there that might help us with the cost and Sean wants me to look at taking a course through the school again. A big part of me wants to and is excited at the idea of it, but a part feels it would be selfish and a mistake. I would be spending about a year in school to get the certfication I need.

I am at a loss. I am trying so hard to put it in God's hands, but don't know how.

How can you not love these kids!

2010-01-19T10:44:00.001-08:00

When I downloaded the pictures I saw Gabe wasn't in most of them, then I looked and realized that they are of playdates and Gabe always opts to go somewhere else....can you blame him?! All the 6 year and under kiddos would drive any 11 year old crazy!!!!
Andrew chewing away and Steven

I believe it is Batman Tanis and Obi Wan Steven

Jakob aka Indiana Spiderman who doubles as a Mexican Wrestler....

Batman Luke

Cailtin, Tanis, Tyler, Jonathan, Luke, Ethan, and Isaiah

Zay's tonsils

Jonathan. This picture makes me smile!!

Caitlin and Gretchen

The little Squirt, Gretchen

Tanis and Caitlin. Look where Tanis has his eyes....

Tanis in the outfit HE chose. It was not my doing Kellie and Brian! I swear!!

Gabe, Caitlin, Luke, Jonathan and their family of snowmen.

Finally......a haircut for Luke!

2010-01-14T15:03:00.000-08:00

After my disasterous attempt to get Luke's haircut last month, my mom picked him up from school and took him to their regular stylist to get a haircut. She said he was so good! I am very proud and I think he looks so handsome!! He was rewarded with dinner at Casa Fiesta with grandma and a toy from the Dollar Tree. Pardon the droopy eye, I got him with the washcloth while scrubbing his face! I am so proud of him!

Valine

2010-01-13T17:40:00.000-08:00

UPDATE Valine, her husband and her parents are safe! Praise the Lord!!

This is my friend Valine and her husband Humbart. They live in Port au Prince, Haiti. She works for Compassion International and is a beautiful person and wonderful friend.
They haven't been heard from since the quake. Please pray for them and the safety of their families. My friend, Lydie is also Valine's cousin. I was in touch with her today and they have recieved no word on any of the family.
This is such a tragedy. I am praying for the best - It is all in God's control.

2010-01-13T10:55:00.000-08:00

I am in thinking mode today. I have had so many thoughts racing through my mind.
First and foremost is worrying about the safety of my friend Valine and her family. They live in Haiti, right where the quake struck. She is a friend of mine from college and a wonderful person. Please remember her and her family in prayer.
I am also wondering about diets, jobs, books, illness, family, organization, laundry, exercise, friends, finances, kid's homework, kid's behavior.... My mind just won't shut down today!

I hope that you are all having a wonderful day. Tomorrow I should be a great aunt.....AGAIN!!!

Goodbye 2009!

2010-01-08T16:24:00.000-08:00

Look at the crazy pj's! Tanis, Luke, Johnny, and Caitlin enjoying fondue.

Adults didn't get any as there seemed to be a lot of double dipping going on, but the four of them didn't care!

Tanis really enjoyed the chocolate!

Proof that I was indeed there

Popping the thingys to celebrate the New Year! They made a loud popping noise and streamers flew out. The kids (and Auntie Kellie) enjoyed them. Luke was zonked out in the corner sound asleep.

The New Year's crack

Yelling Happy New Year's out the front door.

The infamous black raspberry champagne (I believe) and some weird game that was kind of cool. Notice the bottle of water....that is what the cool people drank!

After midnight and showing no signs of being tired!

After midnight and showing no signs of being tired!!!

They can't seem to see each other without doing horsie rides! Hopefully this will stop as the years progress...

The tiredness is setting in....

We always enjoy our New Year's Eve with Kellie, Brian, Tanis and the dogs. I gorge myself on Kellie's sausage,cheese, and rye thingys and we play games until midnight. It is better now that the kids are older. The first time we did it they cried. Alot.

Kellie and I showed off mad Euchre skills and we played some weird D&D-esque type of game that was pretty confusing, but fun.

Sean decided after that night that he wouldn't mind getting a pug when we go to get a dog. I think Scamp, Kooky, and Izzy have made quite an impression.

It is always fun to ring in the New Year with such great friends.

Some People Stink

2010-01-05T12:12:00.000-08:00

Many of you may have noticed my angry Facebook status yesterday. I wanted to tell you what happened.
Sean called me from work last night. His friend Kathy had been looking at the local newspapers website. On it people can form a screen name and comment anonymously on articles. She had discovered that someone was using the screen name Jerry E------- (my maiden name) is dead.
Why? Why on earth would someone do that? It is neither funny nor appropriate. I don't understand.
I immediately called my sister who had just discovered it herself. We didn't want my mom to see it - that was our main concern. Thankfully my brother in law was being sworn in for city council last night which was covered by the local media. Amy was able to speak with someone from the paper who apologized and said it would be removed asap. When she checked at 8 this morning it was gone.
Do people not realize that writing things like that is hurtful? My father was a well known member of the community and I know made some enemies over the years, but come on!
Some people need to get a clue and think of how their actions will affect others.

Positivity & Me!!!

2010-01-03T08:37:00.000-08:00

I am going to be a more positive person this year. Tomorrow we start Harris Healthy Eating and Allover Wellness 2010. I am involving the kids in meal planning and they are excited. We are really going to work together as a family. I have a pair of black pants in my closet that are my first goal pants. I can't wait to post a picture of me wearing them on here!! That is my motivation for this first part. I also have a shirt that I bought two years ago to wear to the summer party that has never fit. That is going to be a goal too, but I think more like the 3rd or 4th. I am going to be journaling a lot more to try and work through the depression I am struggling with. It has been a very rough few weeks, topped off with the disclosure that my grandpa has Parkinson's disease. Apparantly this has been known for sometime, just not by me!
I finally had talked to my mom about the way my grandfather has been acting - there was an incident on Christmas Eve and also the following Sunday. My mom hadn't noticed it, but listened and said she would keep an ear open. We had a good conversation, and she actually listened.
I really want to change this year. Physically, Emotionally, Spiritually. I want to be a better wife, mother, friend, daughter. I want to like myself again.

2009-12-29T18:29:00.000-08:00

I don't like change. I don't like the empty chair at my parent's house. I don't like that my dad wasn't there to buy a firetruck for Luke. I don't like that I don't have my dad there to talk to when things are a mess. I don't like that I don't have my dad there to talk to when things are good. I don't like that I don't have a relationship with my mom and sister the way I did with my dad. I don't like that I will never hear "Love you kid" again from my dad. I don't like that I feel so empty.

Our Terrific Saturday!!!!!!

2009-12-20T13:00:00.001-08:00

The first three pics are out of order, but I couldn't figure out how to move them!! Cheryl and me! Our farewell shot, of course taken by ourselves!

So Cheryl is sporting the huge hat and I'm the one getting the look by the lady in the background?

I managed to take this photo while going backwards down the escalator without causing injury to myself or those around me!

Giddy with excitement in the car on the way down.

Sean was thrilled that I kept taking pictures to document our excitement.

When I had said on FB that I sounded like Bea Arthur, Kevin said "that's funny - I woke up looking like Johnny Depp!" This was how I was greeted by him.

I had asked if they were going to wear the puckhat so we would know it was them. We thought it was an amazing coincidence to see some kid wearing a puckhat! We are so quick to catch on....

Lunch was a bit loud, not from us but from the lovely purple haired singer in the lobby. We enjoyed chatting over yummy food and getting to know each other.

This was the coolest fountain I had ever seen! You could push on the ball and it rotated!

Me and Ryan. I have never eaten in a restaurant with such a well behaved child!

Me and Kevin. Not the most flattering shot of me, but Kevin looks great!

Ryan was devastated to see me go. He is hiding the tears here - can't you tell!!

Saturday was a great day! After 2 years we finally got to meet Cheryl, Kevin, and Ryan. We had planned on it for about 2 months, so the excitement had been building! I was a bundle of nerves - I worried so much that they would think I was a big dork (I think they did, but I think they were okay with it ;) ) and they would wonder why they wasted their time driving all they way to Columbus! Well my nervousness was unwarranted, I had a ball. Cheryl is as sweet and fun in person as she is online and Kevin is one of the funniest people I have ever met! My only complaint was the fact I was sick :( and didn't feel 100%. Well that and the American Idol Reject singing outside the restaurant! I think Cheryl secretly loved her singing. We talked and laughed over lunch, wandered through the mall and then went to Toys R Us and did some shopping. I wish we had longer to spend together, but look forward to many more visits in the future! Including the swim in your sweatsuit party!!! I love you, Cheryl and Kevin and am so glad we finally got to meet!!!!!

2009-12-15T17:30:00.000-08:00

This is the rabbit on my mom's porch that gets dressed in seasonal outfits. It was a fireman for Halloween! The kids adore it! Some people have concrete geese......

Tara and Mylee. Tara just turned 16.

Tara, Lilly, Christie, Luke, and Gabe.

Tara and Lilly

A tired Lilly!

I really have nothing to blog about. It's the same old same old here. After this weekend I should have some fun news and pictures! Then I will have some exciting posts.

Here are some photos from Thanksgiving. We spent the evening at my mom's with my grandparents, Aunt Lol and Uncle Jimmy, and cousins then we went to Jim and Carol's to see some of Sean's family. I am looking forward to Christmas and getting to spend time with family again.

2009-12-14T09:55:00.001-08:00

I went to the dr. today after a week of not feeling well. I have a bad sinus infection which wasn't getting better with the otc meds so I now have a prescription antibiotic which will hopefully knock it out.
When they did my weight it said I had gained 14 pounds in 2 weeks. WHAT???? Really??? I wanted to cry. Dr. Johnson said it was a result of fluid retention from two of the meds I am on and should go away soon. So meanwhile I get to finally meet Cheryl and Kevin with a bloated belly and puffy face. Hooray.
I am going to increase my fluid (water) intake and increase my exercising to see if that helps. I feel so heavy and generally unwell. It really stinks.
The kids had their Christmas program yesterday and did a really good job. I have some cute pictures of my angels to post later on.
I am going to eventually get Christmas cards and pictures out. I feel bad that I haven't done it yet, it just doesn't seem like Christmastime yet. Maybe once I get that done it will help!
Hope you all have a great day, I am off to the pharmacy!!

It's the most wonderful time of the year........

2009-12-08T19:41:00.000-08:00

I am really dragging so this will be a short post, but at least something new.
This month is proving to be very busy for us. First we had our night out with Kellie and Brian which was fun and delicious, then we had church, Gabe's sunday school classes mac and cheese fundraiser, then birthday dessert at my mom's. The triplets have their Christmas Program for school on Thursday, then on Sunday we have the Church program. All four of my kids have solos and Gabe has a speaking role!
We have our annual Christmas party at Rhonda and Jeff's, Holiday baking with Lura, and perhaps what I am most excited about -
On the 19th Sean and I are driving to Columbus to meet Cheryl and Kevin!!!! I am so excited!!! I will make sure to take lots of pictures and do a big post! This was what I told Sean I wanted for my birthday and it is actually happening! Woo Hoo!!!! It is going to be so neat to meet these wonderful people that I have grown to care for so much and love to pieces in person!
Christmas Eve is always super busy - We have the traditional potato soup dinner at my mom's, church, which this year will be with Sean's family, and then Christmas Eve celebration with his family at Rhonda's. We usually host it, but our house is too small for the growing family!
Add to that 3 places we need to be on Christmas day and we are busy!
We have done virtually no shopping, so I still need to get busy with that, but all of the presents that are being made are almost done and I am so tickled with them! I have to have a few things matted and framed, but that won't take long. Thankfully a friend of my mom's has a slew of matting supplies and a cutter, so she does it for me for free!
I need to finish my coursework as well and start a serious job hunt. So things are busy, but going well.
I am medicated right now on some Benedryl sinus, so if this makes no sense that is why!

I will do a more exciting post in a bit, but for now this will have to do! Love to you all!!! :)

YAY ME!!!

2009-12-04T11:00:00.000-08:00

I just got an email that I received 92% on both my mid term and final! I couldn't be happier with those grades! I am almost done!!!!!!!! :)

2009-12-02T07:42:00.000-08:00

I am so close to being done with my course! I just finished up a midterm yesterday and the final this morning for another section. I have a project to do and then I will have one more section! I am so excited! I can't wait to get a job and start working. How crazy is that?! Most people want to stay home, but I can't wait to be able to contribute financially to our family. When I get a job we will be able to save for a house again, Gabe will be able to get his orthodontic work started (we are just waiting for the finances- 15oo dollars down and 150 monthly! His total is over $5500.00~) and Sean won't have to carry the burden of finances alone.
I just hope that someone will see what an asset I will be and hire me! I am going to ooze confidence when I walk in to an interview. They will want to hire me on the spot!

Wednesday's Playdate

2009-11-29T19:36:00.000-08:00

Caitlin and Tanis

Caitlin, Tanis, Luke, and Tyler

It is always wise to have a superhero or two around! Jakob, Johnny, Caitlin, and Tanis

Jakob, Andrew, Johnny, Caitlin, Luke, Tyler, and Zay

Too much fun for Gretchen!

We had a playdate to celebrate Thanksgiving last Wednesday. I am trying to bring healthier snacks, as Luke's weight is really getting out of control. We had fruit and cheese kabobs, which the kids seemed to love, Kellie and Tanis made muffin letters and Lura made homemade rolls. They had a good time playing together and we enjoyed spending grown up time also. I think that we even managed to be a little helpful in getting Victoria prepared for Thanksgiving at her house. Enjoy the pics of our day!

Haircuts

2009-11-24T14:34:00.000-08:00

Why oh why would I think taking the kids by myself to get haircuts was a good idea? Let alone taking them to the local beauty school to save a few bucks. Caitlin, Gabe, and Johnny were perfect and look fantastic. Luke still looks the same. I was mortified and never plan on going back again!
He refused to get in the chair and screamed when I told him to. So I got him calmed down and told him they would only use scissors, not clippers. He was okay with that so he climbed up in the chair. They tried to put a paper around his neck and he ripped it off twice and then grabbed the comb out of the ladies hand. Oh boy.
Then I took him out of the chair and I told him he was being disrespectful and would not be getting a haircut. He started screaming at the top of his lungs. I took him to the chair by the door and stood there with him. I had 3 papers to fill out for the others and he began kicking off his shoes. So I took them. Then he started kicking up the carpet, standing in the chair, knocking in to the wall and banging the gumball machine. I grabbed him several times to make him stop and at one point he screamed at the top of his lungs "Stop it You are hurting me!!!!" The nice gentleman across from Luke received several apologies and shot me several "Your life is pathetic" glances.
I didn't know what to do. I was trying to hold him while taking care of the others and he was screaming at the top of his lungs so I asked if they would mind if we stood outside where I could see through the window. He dropped to the floor kicking and screaming and I had to drag him outside.
I was mortified.
I sat him down hard on the porch and told him he had better stop with the screaming which made it worse. So I remembered I had Sean's phone and I called my mom to see if she could come and get Luke so I could be with the others.
When she got there and he was still screaming, I went in and apologized to everyone there and thanked them for the fantastic haircuts the other 3 got. They look wonderful!!!
My mom took Luke so I could take the 3 to the dollar tree to choose something and then we traded. I brought Luke home to sit in time out for a long time and she took the others to McDonalds. Luke will be eating a peanut butter sandwich.
What should I have done differently? I was at a loss. I know what I would have done if it had been just him, but I had 3 others there. I couldn't go and sit in the car and leave the others and I certainly couldn't leave Luke in the car alone. I also couldn't let the others leave mid haircut.
I had no one available to go with me, and I should not have had to take anyone.
I just want to crawl under the covers and cry. I am mortified beyond belief by this whole thing.

Stuff

2009-11-16T14:32:00.000-08:00

1. We finally shelled out the big bucks and got a new printer/scanner/copier. $30.00 at Big Lots. We go for quality at this house! :) So far it is working well. I needed it for school papers and when we saw it was only 30, we snagged one. I don't do photo printing or anything, so it should last us awhile.

2. Conferences are over and I only cried at one! That was Gabe's. He is just having such a rough time and I feel so bad for him. I know that it will get better, I just have to be patient and understanding. Easier said than done!

3. Luke almost burned down the house, I burned my finger, and got scalded by hot water. I guess we should stay away from all Hot things here! But how can I stay away from myself? ha!

4. I made a pretty yummy cake for Saturday's get together at Rhonda's. Our next one is December 5th and it is going to be pretty big. We are actually getting a sitter this year so we can enjoy ourselves. Usually the kids are hanging all over us and acting like wild maniacs, so we are going to enjoy ourselves this year!

5. The baby shower went well for my niece. Unfortunately I couldn't find my camera, so there are no pictures to prove I went to a shower. You are just going to have to take my word for it.She is due December 31st and is having a midwife instead of a dr. It should be interesting as I think she is doing a whirlpool labor and possible delivery.

6. I am steaming away at my schoolwork. Right now I am learning the joys of coding. I can't wait to be done and get a job.

7. I went to Walmart tonight for a few groceries. The pancake mix was on the bottom shelf and pushed all the way to the back. So I got down on my hands and knees and crawled on the shelf to get a box. It went fine until I tried to stand up, stood on the bottom of my coat and then fell on my face. I am fine, just embarrassed!

2 hot 2 be 4 gotten

2009-11-13T14:30:00.000-08:00

Isn't he just the cutest???

2009-11-12T06:21:00.001-08:00

My nephew, Jacob, is second from the right in the front row. He was a kindergartener when Sean and I got married and this is from his Senior homecoming last month. Time flies. Jacob is one of the sweetest kids you could ever hope to meet. Actually all my nieces and nephews are. I am so proud of them all!

Random Things

2009-11-11T10:53:00.000-08:00

1.) I went to Toys R Us today and got Gabe Ghostbusters for his Nintendo DS. He will be so excited. My little one turns eleven tomorrow. I still remember his birth like it was yesterday! I'll post about that tomorrow.
2.) If I were to die today, I would want somebody to put together a slide show for my funeral of random photos from my life - and the people important and special to me, and have a recording of the song "Sunny Side Up" from the movie the Big Green. I absolutely love that song. I would also like the song "Smile" by Uncle Kracker. I don't plan on dying anytime soon, I just want to make sure that would be done! :)
3.) Everyday I love life a little more. Even on the worst days I can still find something to smile about. Sometimes it isn't until my head hits the pillow and my eyes are half closed, but I still do. It is important to never go to bed angry!!
4.) I have been making an effort to get more organized. It is amazing how nice it is to study in my room or read a book when I am not surrounded by clutter! I wish my kids would keep things organized!!
5.) I am so excited for Christmas. I have been working hard on presents and can't wait to give them away. I love making things for people - year round - but especially at Christmas.
6.) I am trying to get better at letter writing and card sending again. It brings a smile to my face when I get mail, so I like to do that for other people.
7.) I love the way my boys look with no front teeth! They are so sweet and have the cutest lisps!
8.) I am looking forward to a weekend full of family and friends. Two parties and a baby shower. :)
9.) My mom called and invited the kids and I as well as my sister and her girls to dinner last night. (Scott and Sean were working) We actually had a really nice time and the kids behaved pretty well!
10.) I only got stuck in the stall at Kohl's briefly while using the restroom. They should not make the doors open in!!! Thankfully no one else was in there!

2009-11-10T06:55:00.000-08:00

This is the sea horse that one of the kids attached to my purse strap. I grocery shopped with it this morning and had no clue it was there. It is about 14 inches long....a little hard to miss! I wondered why I got so many smiles. I thought I just looked extra friendly this morning!

:o)

2009-11-05T18:32:00.000-08:00

I am blessed everyday. I have a wonderful family, better friends than anyone could ask for, a husband who loves me despite my many flaws, sticky kisses from my kids, etc. Every morning when I wake up I should count all the blessings before I get out of bed. Blessings aren't always material items as my list shows, but today I was blessed with a wonderful gift. A friend of my mom's sent over a beautiful red London Fog trench coat for me. She had bought it and never worn it.
Now coats are so hard for me to find. My monkey arms never fit the sleeves, the coat is usually to short and the shoulder span not ample. The woman who sent this coat is shorter than me and thinner, so I thought there was no prayer. It fit perfect in every way. It is beautiful!!
This is neat for a couple of reasons. For the past few years I have worn an old jacket of my dad's during the winter. It is not a winter coat, just a rain jacket, but it is all I had that fit. Plus I like wearing it because it reminds me of my dad. But it was not warm or stylish - not that I minded because it was dad's. Sean always felt bad on Sunday mornings because I had to wear it to church. I didn't mind, but he wanted me to have something pretty. Second, when my aunt Pat died I started wearing a red car coat of hers. I loved it and wore it until everything ripped and could no longer be sewn. I hated getting rid of it, but it was too worn to save. I have not found a red coat since then that fit or that I liked.
I am so tickled and I immediately sent a thank you note to her for her kindness. Her timing couldn't have been better! God does provide!!!

Well.....here it is

2009-11-04T06:00:00.000-08:00

Here is a horrible full body shot. I am the one in the blue, the tall one - not the one with the yellow sleeves or the grey hood.

I hate this. I never thought I would gain the weight back, but I did. I can only blame steroids a little, they started the gain, but poor food choices, lack of excercise, and depression continued it. I have little willpower and this picture shows it.

The top picture shows the weight I want to be again, the bottom picture shows the weight I never want to be again.

I have a long way to go, but hopefully will get there.

I need support, I need accountability, but I need to believe in myself!

Full Body Shot now available....

2009-10-31T16:34:00.001-07:00

So Lura posted pics from Tanis' party with some full body shots of me. The pics are horrible and show my weight gain....but I am not begging her to take them down. I will post a few on here so you can all see where I am basically starting from. It was a real shock to me to see them as that is not how I see myself. I still see myself in my smaller body although I know that is not reality. It is difficult to look at them and to feel good about myself, but maybe it will serve as motivation.

Fun Pics

2009-10-25T12:16:00.000-07:00

Don't you love the raccoon eyes? I am glad I saw this before I went to the store!!

What a good match!

Yesterday was Gabe's first Halloween Party and The triplets Fall Festival. Everyone had a good time. Gabe was Harry Potter, and was a very cute HP. He had a good time, won some prizes, and played lots of games. He also went on a haunted trail and was chased by chainsaw weilding maniacs! We met up with Tanis and Kellie at the festival. While Kellie volunteered at a game, we took the 4 triplets! around to games and ate hot dogs. They had a good time and were fairly well behaved.

My four lovelies got up at 5 o'clock yesterday morning and were up incredibly early again today! I am hoping for an early bedtime and lots of sleep tonight for them. I am going to be doing a lot of cleaning this evening and organizing. I plan to throw away a lot of crap that has once again collected. If anybody has a need for unorganized crap, let me know and you can see it before I trash it!

Gabe wants me to look something up, so I will post more later.

Happenings

2009-10-22T10:50:00.000-07:00

*Caitlin can't sleep because she has nightmares that she kicks bees.
*Jonathan will only drink out of travel mugs.
*Gabe's teacher is averaging 2 emails a day to me.
*Luke is not happy because real police officers don't have crayon drawings on paper for id badges.
*Caitlin wants to be a cheerleader for Halloween, but can only wear red. The blue and gold sparkly cheerleader outfit she has just won't do.
*Jonathan wants to be a witch.
*Gabe starts physical therapy next week. He still needs to take out the trash on Thursday nights. Everytime it is mentioned he suddenly develops a stronger limp.
*Luke won't leave his pants on and has taken to refusing to wear underwear to bed.
*Gabe is completely done with Football. The dr. won't release him. I think he is not so secretly relieved.
*The kids all brought home 5 foot bunches of rushes from LOGOS last night. What in the world am I supposed to do with those???
*I get to see Cheryl and Kevin soon!!!!!!
*I am going to sew a purple and black cape and deck it out in sequins this weekend.
*I am also busy on all sorts of Christmas projects. Ho Ho Ho!!!
*Sean's long lost uncle contacted the family for the first time since the mid 80's yesterday. He had to be told his neice, nephew, and mother had all died.
*I am going to wash dishes and get ready to pick up Gabe.

Caitlin's Bed

2009-10-21T10:43:00.000-07:00

Sean finished, except for a bit of finishing touch painting around the finials, Caitlin's bed. I love it! He had no pattern or anything. Around the top of the headboard is a decorative trim that I don't think shows up to well in the pictures. She has her princess nightlights, princess bedding, and

Tinkerbear. She will be so excited when she comes home tonight! I am so proud of Sean. I think he did a beautiful job.

I'm just a postin fool......

2009-10-19T18:06:00.000-07:00

Two in one day. It must be the new meds! :)
I have been wanting to blog about something that happened a couple of weeks ago. You all know that Gabe has his night terrors. They occur every night, usually twice but sometimes up to a half a dozen times. He never remembers them and is incoherent a lot of the time when they occur. The one night I am referring to he woke up screaming and Sean went in to calm him down. He was sobbing, tears running down his face and saying he wanted to see Mom. So I went in there and it was like he couldn't see me. He then started screaming 'I killed her, I killed her!!' Sean and I tried to get him to stop, but he was out of control crying and screaming. Then he said 'I'm afraid I'm going to hurt her! I'm afraid I'm going to hurt her!' I was shocked. To hear my child say he was afraid he killed me and then he was afraid he was going to hurt me just crushed me. It took forever to calm him down. He hasn't said anything like that since that night, but frankly it scared me! I guess living with a child who has no self control and who wakes up screaming every night and not remembering it will do that to you. He goes to the psychiatrist on the 4th of next month and I am going to mention it then.
I just feel so lost about what to do with him. I also feel so bad that he has to go through this. He really is a great kid. Today he broke out in either a rash or some acne on his chin and around his left cheek. All I could think was that my poor kid who already suffers anxiety disorder and horrible teeth is now going to get pimples. He is going to be a bully's dream! That and I got an email from his teacher that said when he opened his locker stuff fell onto the girl's below and they are complaining that he is so messy. He just can't win! Orthodontics are starting in the early spring, when I am working and income tax comes in. I can always get him to a dermatologist if needed, and I am working at being more organized so he can have a better example.
I am really rambling.
I also realized that my previous post sounded really whiney and pity partish. That isn't how I intended it. It is just all my random thoughts spilling out.

Just another Manic Monday.....

2009-10-19T10:52:00.000-07:00

Actually I am not manic, nor am I bi-polar, but boy do I feel like it sometimes! I have mood swings left and right, although they are getting better now that my body is adjusting to this new medication. Chronic depression can be a horrible thing. It wreeks havoc on your emotions, your physical and mental well-being. Add panic attacks to that and you have a hot mess!
I haven't noticed any of the tremors, and there was no sugar present in my urine at the last dr's. appointment. They will be doing blood work in two weeks I believe, just to be safe. I do know that I am not crying nearly as much and I feel generally happier. She upped my dose of the new med. from 2 mg. to 5 mg. That is the average dose for it as an anti-depressant booster.
I took my math final and got a B!!! I am so happy about that. I spent 3 days working on the 50 questions. They were a b*&%!!! I feel so drained from it all. Tonight I start the next section. I need to get this wrapped up.
Sean and I are so strapped right now. It wasn't bad until we started having to pay for all the medical extras. We have spent over one hundred in copays this month. Yes, just October!!! Then you add in meds. and xrays and you have a lot. I don't know what we are going to do, but I am trusting in God. What really stunk is when I put a winter coat on Johnny and it was too short. The sleeves were 3/4 on him! I think Sean's parents are going to buy the kids winter coats for an early Christmas present. Thankfully I have one for Gabe that I found at a garage sale!
I look at all the hardships we have faced and I think that someday we are going to really be able to help someone or many people in need. That is a goal I have. I don't care if we are rich, I just want to be able to be comfortable and not live pay check to pay check. I want to make a difference and do something that is going to help others. That is my mission, I don't want to die (many, many years from now) and have my children wondering what I did to make a difference. Know what I mean?
Have to go. Still wanting to post about something, but will have to do it later! Love you all and hope your days are wonderful!!!!!!!!!

2009-10-16T13:12:00.000-07:00

Yesterday about ten in the morning I got so sick! I just layed on the bathroom floor sweating and shaking, it was horrible! Then, the cable was out for over 12 hours and I was alone with the kids....it was such a bad day! Thankfully today is better. I think I had food poisoning. I had no fever or anything, but undescribably severe stomach cramps and other issues. TMI, I know!

Today the kids didn't have school and decided they needed to be up before 7 this morning. I was not happy :(. I don't think they get this sleeping in thing.

Sean is on his way to the nursing home to take his mom home. She has been in the nursing home and/or hospital since March! I hope that this time she does what she is supposed to. I'll believe it when I see it. I am not trying to be negative, but we have all seen how she has done. This time she lost her toes and a portion of her foot....next time I don't think she'll make it out alive.

I am working hard on Christmas gifts. I have also been getting a few things here and there on clearance for the kids. I can't believe it is only 2 months away! Where does the time go?

In a few weeks I am supposed to be going out to dinner with Rhonda and my gay ex boyfriend. That should be an interesting night and I am sure I will have some good pictures!! He is a trip, for those of you on FB it is the Joseph Reed that always has the kooky comments.
I have a post I want to do, but can't right now due to the noise level! I hope to be able to do it when the kids go to bed. It is a venting, hunting for some sort of answer post. Is your interest perked or do I do too many of those type of posts?! :)
I hope you all have a good day!

What a Babe!

2009-10-14T17:34:00.001-07:00

I made a sexy me on one of those avatar programs. I think I look pretty hot!

Day 5.5

2009-10-13T12:31:00.000-07:00

Here is a shot of Gabe's ankle on this, the 5th day of sprainwatch 2009. He did go to school today so that was nice for his crazy mom!!!

The picture doesn't do show the bruising up the back of his leg. Ouch!

Do you know what?

2009-10-12T17:30:00.001-07:00

Chicken Butt.These pics have absolutely nothing to do with anything, but I loved them so I thought I would share.

Gabe is slowly recovering from his fall. His ankle, foot, and leg are ugly shades of bruise. Black, purple, green.....It looks nasty. The doctor is letting him go to school tomorrow, but won't release him for football until next week.

Sean took and passed a course last week and is on his way to getting a class b cdl. He will be able to drive bus if needed now.

I am doing well on my new meds. I have no tremors, and I go to the dr. to get bloodwork etc. on Wednesday. I am actually looking forward to going because I think I have lost some weight and want to have it charted. I am noticing an upswing in my mood, not huge, but noticeable.

My youngest boys are busy losing teeth, when they are not stripping barbies and drawing naked pictures of the babysitter. I could just scream sometimes!!! Caitlin is in a mood because she is not losing teeth yet.

We got to spend some time with my sister in law and her family on Saturday. I got to hold my nephew, Sevastian, for the first time. He is 6 months old and I am just now getting to see him. Actually he is my great nephew - my niece Beth's son. He is adorable, I posted pics. of him on FB. I love spending time with Michele, you are always guaranteed laughter. She and her husband, Keith, are wonderful people.

My grandparents celebrated their 67th anniversary on Sunday. We had dinner at my mom's again. I noticed no odd behavior with my grandpa this time, just the normal. It was a relief. I never addressed the last incident with him or my mom. I just couldn't do it. I just wish I didn't feel so awkward around them.

Well, I am going to sign off and go relax and cross stitch for awhile. Have a great night!

Fun Pictures

2009-10-07T06:31:00.001-07:00

Lura, Kellie, Victoria, and Gretchen waiting for their chauffer.

Me, with the sexy hair bows, Gretchen, Victoria, Kellie, and Lura

Vic and Gretchen

Me sporting the fancy hairbows I got for Caitlin.

Gabe laying on the truck mad at me for something!

Caitlin and her fruit sticker

Luke and Johnny showing their missing top teeth. The red in Luke's teeth is the fruit sticker he pressed on them.

Luke and his fruit stickers.

Last night was the Garden Club Auction. Kellie, Lura, Victoria, and I went for a bit of a girl's night out. Tanis and the triplets were at my house babysat by my usual sitter K.C. who said she would do it again, so they must not have been too bad! We had a nice time, although I didn't get anything too exciting. I did get two hairbows for Caitlin. The candy corn one I love, the white and black one I am not fond of but no one else bid on it so I paid a dollar for it because I felt sorry for it.

Apparantly while I was picking up Vic and the sitter, Tanis planted a big smooch on Caitlin. This was after all the kids were looking down each other's pants and Luke was caught standing on the couch naked from the waist down. There is never a dull moment in this house, especially when the four of them get together!!!

Some Reasons I am Happy Today!

2009-10-05T13:36:00.000-07:00

1.) The kids homework is all done and put in their backpacks for tomorrow, we have read 2 books, Gabe is getting ready for football and the rest of the night is free time!

2.) I spent 3 hours studying math today. Although later it turned out that I studied the wrong chapter, in fact I don't even have to know this one, I can now do compound and simple interest and figure out how much you need to save today for a purchase 5 years from now with calculating the changing cost of the US dollar.

3.) I am wearing Cheryl's Lady and the Tramp shirt and it makes me think of The Weidenweber's and smile everytime I look down! :)

4.) It is fall and we are planning our yearly orchard trip for the fall harvest days.

5.) I am one day closer to a job! Figure that today is one day closer than yesterday and tomorrow will be one day closer than today.

6.) I actually understand that last statement! How smart I feel!!

7.) I began a halloween cross stitch for a Christmas present for the sister in law that likes me! It is going to be neat and she will love it!

8.) I have begun compiling a list of things that I want to make, give, and/or do for people. It makes me feel so good to do things for others and I want my kids to find the joy in it as well.

What A Day!

2009-10-01T12:29:00.000-07:00

What a day this has been! It was a hectic morning getting the kids off to school and I was really testy with Sean. I felt bad about it, he had no clue why, but I knew. You'll find out later.
Yesterday I went to the dentist because I have a lump under my jaw that is very tender. I assumed teeth issues, so I got in to see Dr. Adam. He did an exam and xray and said he didn't think it was anything dental but wanted me to see my fam. doctor, so I got an appointment for this morning.
After getting the kids off to school I went to the appointment. First I got on the scale and there was a 10 pound weight gain! That about did me in. The nurse said that the scale always weighs heavy, but I always weigh on that scale, so it was a 10 pound gain regardless. I told her why I was there and she put me in an exam room. I sat for a few minutes and then started crying! It was awful, I couldn't stop the tears so I just sat and cried! The doctor came in and asked what was wrong. I was so embarrassed! She went and got Kleenex and I told her - "I know it's not why I am here, but I don't think my anti-depressant is effective anymore." She said "Really?!" and smiled. I told her how I have cried so much over the past months and have just felt so down. That I am not able to be the mother I need to be and take care of my family because I can't take care of myself. She listened while I went on and then said that because I suffer from chronic depression medications won't always stay effective. Instead of changing medications again, she is adding a new one. The side effects are Parkinson's like tremors and medication induced diabetes, but they will monitor me very closely. She thinks it will really help me to have this combination.
Then we discussed my lump which is a swelling of the sub-mental lymph node (and yes, we caught the humor in the name!) I told her that the enlarged lymph node in my armpit probably just got tired and moved up. Doubtful. So they will be monitoring this as well, but think it is probably nothing.
So then I told her that I had one other thing to discuss and I held up my swollen, bruised hand. Last night while I was doing homework with Gabe, the triplets were in bed screaming and fighting, Jonathan threw up because I gave him cough medicine, Caitlin had a tantrum over where she was going to sleep, etc. I said "I am just one person! I can't do everything at once!!!" and I pounded my fists for emphasis on the desk. Well, apparantly when you have already fractured a hand, something like that can cause injury again. Huh. So she ordered an xray at the hospital.
I go to leave. I am a mess from the crying, feeling huge from the weight gain, and babying my hand just hoping to make it through the waiting area and out to the car without calling any attention to myself. I did real well until I got to the door. There was a drug rep coming in with many bottles of pill samples stacked in a pyramid on a tray. I held the door for him and as I was closing it somehow managed to hit his tray and the bottles went flying. The waiting room was full and there was not a sound. So I apologized and helped pick them up with tears starting again and make it to my car before the sobbing hits. I get home and tell Sean what happened at the appt. including showing him my hand which I had kept from him. He was so good about everything and held me while I cried for several more minutes. I told him I could go to the hospital alone so he could finish mowing the lawn.
I get there and wait to be called to the window to sign the papers. Again it is a crowded waiting room and I am sitting there with red ringed eyes and the nasty crying look just hoping no one pays any attention to me. They call my name and I go up to the window. I adjust my coat and send the cup full of pens flying! Oh brother!
I finally got the xray and made it home without further incident. Now I am just waiting on the dr's office to call with the results. I am praying for a sprain. I really don't want to be casted again. I know I made it look like so much fun last time, but it really isn't!
The trio just got home and I need to make their snacks and Gabe's dinner before football.
Have a great day!

A good read

2009-09-30T14:42:00.000-07:00

I am drying my eyes after finishing The Notebook. I don't often cry while reading, but this book brought the tears on! I recommend it to anyone looking for a beautiful love story.
Books like this strengthen my resolve to become a better person. I want to be a better wife, mother, friend, daughter, sister..... I want to be more selfless and carefree. I just need to do it and not just dream about doing it!
I am working on a list of goals, both short term and long term that I will eventually post on here. I want to be able to check them as I go and see my progress - maybe even give myself a sticker!

May you all have a wonderful night and go to sleep knowing that you are loved and special!

Turning over a new leaf..

2009-09-29T10:37:00.001-07:00

I have been a bit of a negative Nellie in my last few posts. So today I am going to focus on positive and happy things to share. I haven't done a counting my blessings in awhile, so it will be a long those lines.

Today I woke up thankful for my children and husband. Even under the weight of 3 kids and one on the floor, I was thankful for their love and cuddles. We are trying to keep them in their rooms, but sometimes it is nice to wake up to a little arm pulling me close to kiss me awake.
My friends give me reason to be thankful everyday. My childhood friends who have stayed by my side through adulthood and my new friends found in the wonders of cyberspace. I love each an every one of you and am so grateful for the opportunity God has blessed me with to know each of you.
I am so happy that fall has arrived. The crisp leaves, the cooler temperatures, the autumn sky...this means apple orchards, jumping into leaves and halloween are close at hand.
I love a good book and was able to trade for 3 new to me ones at the used book store yesterday. All I had to pay was tax! What a treat for me!
The laughter I get to enjoy everyday watching the triplets get off the bus. They are such riots sometimes. I am also thankful for their bus driver Miss Regina, who I have known since kindergarten. She is a strong Christian now and I feel so comfortable with my kids riding with her and they absolutely adore her!
I am thankful for the miracles we get to witness in everyday life.

I want to offer apologies to anyone who may have felt offended or brought down by my last few posts. I just need to air my frustrations at times and I appreciate having this way to do it. I don't mean to sound as if everything is horrible, because it's not! I am blessed to have the life I do. I look for opportunities to help other's in little ways each day or to bring someone a smile and that makes me feel wonderful! I praise the Lord for the healing he has brought to me and to my family.
I love you all very much!

Sunday's Happenings

2009-09-28T06:26:00.000-07:00

Gabe is out there somewhere! The kids got ahold of the camera and took the pictures of the game.

Gabe is the kiddo with his hands behind his back. 51 to the right of 97.

Johnny's missing tooth

picnicing at my parent's house for Amy's birthday

Caitlin and Scarlett

Carmen showing her stuff

Luke, Jonathan, and friend Connor huddling while playing football yesterday at Gabe's game

Caitlin chillin on the side lines

Yesterday we went to church and saw our nieces, Carmen and Scarlett, get their 3rd grade Bibles. Ever since I can remember 3rd graders are presented with a Bible. I still have mine! Gabe got his 2 years ago and the trio will get theirs in 2 years. They didn't have junior church yesterday due to the Bible presentation, so we had our handsful with wriggling triplets. I was embarrassed and am sure that no one thought it was as bad as I did, but being the mom I can't help it.

After church we got ready for Gabe's game. They won big and he got to play part of the 3rd quarter and most of the 4th. He did really well and we were very proud of him. I still have no clue about football and no desire to watch any except what my son is playing! I guess I am so un American!

After the game we went to the nursing home to see Sean't mom. She should be coming home this week. I hope that things will be better, but I am going to have to see it to believe it. She has a lot to prove.

Then it was on to my mom's for my sister's party. It was an outdoor picnic. My mom and her friend had hosted a wedding shower that afternoon and we don't think my mom had slept since Friday. She over extends herself way too much. Something happened at the picnic that really bothered Sean and I. I don't even know how to address it with my mom, but I am going to. I am calling my cousin this afternoon to talk with her about it. To understand, I am going to give a brief background. Those of you who know my family will agree that this is true, I am sure.

My mother has always been called wonder daughter. This by her parents and sister. She can do no wrong in her parents eyes - it has been this way all of her life. Growing up my sister was favored between the two of us by my grandparents as well as over my other cousins, Christie and Tommy. This is no secret to anyone but my mom and sister and grandparents. My aunt saw it, my dad, my cousins, me. It was disappointing and very hurtful but it was how things were. Now that my cousins and Amy and I are all parents, the pattern continues. Amy's kids are the favored by my grandparents. They can do no wrong, everything they do is wonderful and adorable. I have put up with it, talking to my cousin when it gets really bad and grateful that my other family sees it too.

So last night at my mom's it was just Amy and Scott and the girls, Sean and I and the kids, my mom, and my grandparent's. We had been there for maybe 5 minutes when Jonathan went to talk to Old grandpa and we aren't sure what exactly happened, but Grandpa hauled off and hit him in the arm. Hard. It wasn't a little smack, it was a hard hit. Only Sean and I saw it happen. From what we could figure Jonathan went to talk to him and he was in the way. I don't care who you are, you don't hit my child. I went into the house in tears and my stomach was hurting bad. I told Sean that maybe it is a sign of a problem - you sometimes hear of behavior changes with dementia and things like that. I pulled myself together and went outside only to see my niece Carmen coming up to the steps that lead into the yard twirling hula hoops on both arms. My grandfather was going down and I waited for him to say something. He just smiled at her. Jonathan was at the bottom and stepped to the side to wait for Grandpa and he yelled "Get out of my way!" to Johnny. He wasn't even in his way!!! Carmen went right past him swinging hula hoops not even bothering to wait. My child did nothing wrong and got yelled at??? Are you kidding me? Then we are sitting at dinner and the kids were done eating and playing. Luke did something and I said 'No!" and my grandpa told me 'Your kids don't even know the meaning of that word, do they?" Amy's kids were doing the same thing, but I didn't feel it was my place to discipline them when she was right there. I wanted to get up and go at that point.

Am I wrong in being upset? What right does he have to treat my kids that way? They adore him and my grandma. I am noticing more and more the differences in the way my kids are treated than my sister's and I try really hard to let it roll off my back, but it is getting so hard.

Everytime a conversation was started about my kids, it would somehow turn into a story about Amy's kids.

Example. My mom asked how Gabe's game was. I started to talk and Amy interrupted to say what a great job her girl's did at soccer. I never did get to say how Gabe did. Then it was how do the triplets like school. I started to answer only to be interrupted with the funny thing one of the girl's did. Finally I gave up.

I love my family and want to do things, but this is a major reason Sean and I discuss moving away from here. Between my family and all the drama and crap in his family.

Am I just nitpicking and overreacting? Please tell me and be honest. I just feel so hurt. I am not so much angry, just hurt.

2009-09-26T11:43:00.000-07:00

I really need a new hairdo....any ideas?

Here are a few pics of weirdness going on around here. The wood ones are from our acorn hunt. We found a ton and they were falling from the trees as we gathered them. Cool, and No one got hurt! It is a cold and rainy day here and the kids are going nuts. I wish they could go outside!! The trips are heading to a party in a few hours so Sean and I will have 2 hours of Gabe time. He is excited about it. :) I am getting ready to go and clean a bit, just procrastinating some. Hope you are all having a great weekend.

How disturbing....

2009-09-24T09:24:00.000-07:00

I have come to the conclusion this morning that one of the most disturbing things I have ever seen/read is my ex boyfriends facebook page. We have become friends again - Sean doesn't care - possibly for the fact that the ex is now gay! I am not talking the hmmm....maybe he is kind of gay, I am talking about the flaming, bright neon sign abouve him declaring it kind.
It is just so odd to see the guy I once new in a totally different light, and it sickens me to read some of the things he says.
I am happy that he is happy, but ewww.........

Anyone else have this experience?

Ramblings....Happy Fall!

2009-09-22T10:46:00.000-07:00

After reading some things elsewhere online, I got to wondering about my blogging. Do I post too much information? Do I share more than people want to know? I use my blog as a journal a lot of the time and it helps to write about things. Like when we went through the bankrupcy. Was it wrong to share all of that? I didn't do it for pity - I shared for stress relief and support and prayers. Same goes with health issues and kids, etc. I don't like to hide who I am or my feelings. If I am having a bad day I will write about it. Some of the things written online just got me to wondering if I am too much of an open book, but that is me. I want people to know ME, not just who I want them to think I am. Pretty much what you read is what you get - that's me.

That was my big thought for the day. I am sitting here procrastinating on my homework. This math is kicking my butt! I did well until they got to the advanced stuff that I have never done before. Given that my dad was a math teacher you'd think I would have inherited a little of his math smarts! Oh well, I am doing my best and that is what matters.
Gabe played only 3 minutes in Sunday's game because he missed 2 practices last week due to illness. Last night after practice he was so excited because they had him in for more than 20 plays! It was the most he had been in and he was stoked! You could tell how good he felt about himself. It was really neat to see.
I have a crockpot full of veg. beef soup simmering on the sounter for dinner tonight. I serve it over a crumbled corn muffin with shredded cheese. It is delicious! Next up will be a corn and ham chowder and then hopefully Brian's broccoli cheese soup. Yum! One of the things I like about fall is the food! That and crunching through leaves.
My sister's birthday is in a few days and while I have her gift, I am making her one too. She is an Obama supporter and after a nature walk I have decided to make her an Acorn wreath. Does anyone get it?! I thought I was so clever! ha ha!! Think she'll love it? I know she won't, but her husband will!
Have a great day everyone!!!!

2009-09-18T16:59:00.000-07:00

Lura and I went impromptu garage saling today and I ended up buying a play kitchen and box of utensils and food for 3 dollars. My kids have already gotten 3 dollars worth of fun out of it. It is in great condition and the food and utensils are really cool! I think it should of been a lot more, but I'm not complaining. We also made a stop for pumpkin pie ice cream that was so good! It had pieces of crust in it. Yum!
I got 2 shirts and a sweatshirt for Caitlin, a rescue heroes video, and some other odds and ends. I was just very disappointed that there were really no sales with kids clothes.
I found out that my niece is having a little boy. She is 17 and dropped out of school. She was on the honor roll and has won national recognition for her art. It is so sad. She is finishing up her schooling online and tested to graduate early. I pray for a good future for her and this little one.
This past week a local boy was killed in a car accident. They believe he was texting while driving. My nephew was in the car behind him and the first on scene. He is in the national guard and is a lifeguard at Kalahari, so he has CPR and other training. The boy was alive when he got there, but there was nothing he could do. He just held the boys hand and talked to him. The boy said he wanted his mom and then closed his eyes and died. I am so proud of my nephew f0r being with him. The mother was so grateful that her son didn't die alone. I can't fathom being with anyone, let alone a kid, while he was dying and knowing there was nothing I could do. My nephew seems to be doing fine emotionally, thank God. I don't know if I would be.
We are looking forward to tomorrow night - our grown ups night out! My sister is watching the kids for a few hours because our sitter fell through, so we won't be able to stay as long as I'd like, but still we will have fun!
Gabe is being set up with a psychiatrist and case worker so hopefully he will get treatment for this anxiety disorder soon. He will also be meeting with his counselor regularly so we have high hopes. He is at the high school football game with my sister and her family now. Apparantly he is most interested in watching the cheerleaders.
Jonathan informed me in the car tonight that his friend Kyra is going to have her stomach cut open. I asked why? figuring it was surgery of some sort. He said because he is going to marry her. I asked why would she have her stomach cut open and he said for the babies to come out. First grade and he is planning a family already! What a card!
I hope that you all have a good weekend. Lots of love

2009-09-17T18:47:00.001-07:00

BOOB

Hopefully we finally have an answer.......

2009-09-15T11:54:00.000-07:00

Today we took Gabe to the pediatric neurologist. It was a really good visit as we may finally have some answers.
First he did a history and asked lots of questions and then did a small physical examination of Gabe. He said that he did not believe that ADHD was the correct diagnosis for him. Night terrors, anger, physical violence do not go with ADHD. He believes that Gabe suffers from Anxiety Disorder and can be treated with medication and therapy. There is apparantly much evidence to support the idea that moderate to severe behavioral issues and sleep disorders are a result of anxiety disorder. Once we get that under control the night terrors should lessen if not vanish. I told Victoria if that happens we are going to have a No More Night Terrors Party!!!
Tomorrow he has a counseling appointment scheduled and Brennan can get him scheduled with the psychiatrist on staff. There is a possibility it could be atypical ADD, but he is really leaning towards Anxiety disorder.
I can't tell you what a relief this is to me and what hope I have that we might soon have one child's behavior under control. Maybe if Gabe's improves the other's will. I can't imagine what a night terror free night will be like for him or for us, but I am excited to see if that happens.

I hope that you all have a wonderful day! Thanks for the words of encouragement and love!!

This post has a lot of I's in it...

2009-09-12T18:15:00.001-07:00

Tonight was a bad night.
It's one of those times when the kid's behavior sucked and I put all the blame on myself. That is not a bright idea because then the anger builds up greater. By a quarter to 8:00 I lost it. I had made a pan of bar cookies and was planning on sitting down with the kids and watching the new ICarly. It is all they talked about this afternoon and evening. Actually all week.
I had it after the squirt guns in the house, the vacuum attachments being thrown at my corner cabinet full of special things, the living room being trashed, Sean's grandma's chair being broken again.... I tried to keep my cool and I failed miserably. After several time outs and talks, I put them to bed and walked out. I don't even remember now what was said, but it was the last straw. I grabbed one of the kitchen stools and threw it to the floor as hard as I could. Nothing broke, but it was wrong of me to do. Then I went, almost full blown anxiety attack, and sat on my bed and tried to pray.
After I cooled off I went in and talked to the kids as calmly as I could. I apologized and told them I was wrong for throwing the stool - it was my temper tantrum and it was a bad thing to do and a bad example to set for them. Then I tried to talk to them about their actions. I don't know if any of it sunk in, but I let them come out and sit with me and watch ICarly. The boys did okay, Caitlin ended up going out to the kitchen and trying to eat part of the cookie and lied to me, so she got put in bed. You would have thought the neighbor's would have called the police with the way she carried on and screamed.
They are all in bed now, I put them in at 9 and it is 9:22 and they are still going strong.
I am so tired and so frustrated.
I always put the blame on myself and figure that I must be a bad mom because they behave this way. I don't think that it is entirely my fault. I need to be responsible for some, but not all.
I am just lost and sad. I am disappointed. I am frustrated.
Sean is mad at me for me losing my temper and I don't blame him. I don't know if he will even talk to me before going to bed or not. He is asleep now, who knows if he will wake up or not to talk to me.
I really dislike my life right now. The fighting, the crying, the not listening.... I try so hard to be a good mom and I just feel like I fail miserably every single day. I don't know how to make it better. I don't know how to relax and have fun anymore and I used to be able to be that way all the time. I hate the way I feel and I hate not being able to fix it. I am on anti-depressants and anti-anxiety meds, I just don't know what else to do.
I am so close to the end of my courses and will hopefully get a job by the end of October. I feel so good when I am doing my schoolwork, so I know that working will be good for me too. I will feel like I am contributing to my family and that I am succeeding at something. I need that. I need to feel like I am worth something - like I make a difference.
I dislike so much not being able to help provide for my family. I can't wait to get a paycheck and know that we will be able to buy the kids the things they need. I don't care if I go without new clothes, but my kids are constantly growing. Johnny and Luke have grown 2 shoe sizes this year alone! When we need medications I won't have to ask my mom or Sean's dad for money to help pay for them. I just sent Medco $300.00 and that was just for Sean's meds. I can't wait to be able to take a check to the bank that I earned and use it to pay for things my family needs. I can only imagine how good that is going to feel!
I keep going back to the thought of why did God bless us with so many kids but let us have so much hardship. Not just financially, but physically, emotionally, spiritually. I wish I knew what He wanted, what I am supposed to do. I pray about it but get nowhere.
I am tired of living this way. I am tired of crying, of anxiety attacks, of yelling, of feeling like this.
Thanks for listening. I am going to play a game on FB and try to calm down.
I don't mean to complain and seem like everything is awful, I know it isn't, but right now it is hard to see the bright side of things. I just don't like that at all.
Love you guys. Have a good night. I will post something more positive and happy tomorrow!!!

Happy September!

2009-09-09T16:48:00.000-07:00

Hi everyone.
Lots has been going on, but I don't feel like posting. Incredibly lazy, I know.
I am dealing with a bum back right now, I have a lot of swelling around my spinal cord and it is not pleasant. It stems from an injury I got when the triplets were a year and a half old. I think it felt it was time to flare up.
The kids are busy with school, Gabe with football as well. I have been a cleaning machine and am trying to learn the magic that is bleach.
I will do a lengthy post with pics soon.
Love you!

First Day of School

2009-08-25T16:58:00.001-07:00

Today was the first day of school for the kids. Gabe began 5th grade at Main Street, where he will be for the next 2 years. It is a mix of kids from all three elementary schools, so there were a lot of new faces. He says he had a good day, just trouble with his locker. I am nervous for him, he has a difficult time making friends and adjusting to new situations. I pray for a good year for him.

The trio began 1st grade at Pleasant Elementary today. Once again they are in 3 seperate classrooms. We feel this is the best for them. They can make their own friends and be just single kids instead of 'the triplets.' I heard from Luke and Jonathan's teacher's today. They called to tell me how well the boys did and what great kids they were. Caitlin was a bit put out that her teacher didn't call as well. My prayers are for a good year for the three of them as well. Tanis starts there Thursday, so I guess I should say 4 of them!

I spent my first day of freedom doing math homework. I studied for over 3 hours and still have a lot to do before bed. Fractions are harder than I remembered!

Gabe had his ADHD checkup yesterday. The dr. was concerned that he reacted so poorly to the medication. He said he should have shown great improvement and we should have noticed a major difference. Gabe's behavior got worse, his self control became non-exsistant, and his sleeping habits worsened. So we have an appointment to see a pediatric neurologist on Sept. 15th. They are beginning to believe it is not ADHD, but don't know what it is. So this is the next step.

That's our day in a nutshell. I need to get the threesome to sleep. Have a nice night.

2009-08-24T09:16:00.001-07:00

According to my email I only have 7 days to meet the hot singles in my area!!! I don't think I have any available time. I will be too busy taking surveys, trying out male enhancement products, taking hundreds of vitamins, and shopping at Victoria's Secret and Best Buy.
I hate Spam. Both the mail and the food.

Tomorrow the kids start school. I am looking forward to the break. I get to have some Amanda time and some Sean time. I think they are ready to go. Every hour I get an update on nerves from all of them, but I know they will be fine. They will be happy to see their friends again.

I am swamped with laundry today and need to get Gabe's football uniform washed for practice tonight. I had planned on a longer post, but this is it for now!

El Tuesday

2009-08-18T06:37:00.001-07:00

I am not plagued by incontinence (well not much, anyways), I don't need to know about enlargement aids for male parts, I don't care about the hot, sexy singles in my area, and I really doubt that there is an actual 500 dollar gift card to Victoria's Secret with my name on it. These are the e mails that awaited me this morning. If someone were to just look at my inbox they would think I was a pants wetting, desperate, small private parted man with a fetish for sexy lingerie!
Today is orientation for Gabe at Main Street School. I don't know who is more nervous- me or him! I am trying my best to not let him know that I would rather get my yearly than take him. I hate, hate, hate situations like this. My shyness gets overwhelming and I tend to give myself panic attacks. I think my weight issue is a key reason. But I am going to suck it up (and suck it in) for my son. Think of us at one o'clock!
Tonight is hopefully our campout at Kellie's. Gabe opted for a slumber party at Amy's - I don't understand why~ Kellie and I are former girl scouts and have multiple camping adventures under our belts. Okay, so they didn't always go as planned, but I really needed to get an updated tetanus shot. I think I will have to do a post - with pictures! - of girl scout adventures. We really had fun, and only would hate each other temporarily.
I am making sure my camera is charged so I will get lots of pictures of our experience tonight. I hope Kellie is still up for it!
I need to go and do my exercises for the morning. I am feeling motivated and positive today. I hope it lasts! I need to be able to wear shorts to Cheryl's party next summer!!! :)

Fried Egg

2009-08-14T16:04:00.000-07:00

(If you say that fast enough it sounds like Friday)
Why does life have to be so tough sometimes?
I keep trying to remind myself that God is in control and He does not give us more than we can handle. I really need Him to stop thinking I can handle so much.
I am so tired of crying and being sad.
I just want my Happy self back.

I am about 3/4 of the way done with a new cross stitch which I will share when it is done. It is my stress reliever, so it is coming right along!

I took Gabe to his intake appointment today and he starts counseling at the end of the month. I hope that it will help this time. The new ADHD medication is not effective so we are going to see about trying the next one on the list. The poor boy just has no self control and I know he can't help it.

Hope you all have a good weekend!

Tuesday and Wednesday

2009-08-13T09:39:00.000-07:00

This is the motley crew I had to take back to Lura's in my car. She had 2 quiet, well behaved boys.

The new puppy.

Gabe

My big boy!!!

Tanis and the wooden bird that did NOT break when it got knocked off the table.

Scamp. You can't hear her snorting in this picture!

Baby Gretchen. Eating cereal is hard work!

What a crew!!!

We were lucky enough to get to spend Tuesday and Wednesday with friends. On Tues. The kids and I went to Lura's and then took a group trip to Planktown Market. Honestly I was disappointed in the renovations. It was no longer a quaint mennonite store. They completely modernized and it is just like a big box store, just different variety. How sad. We went back to Lura's for lunch and played outside for awhile. I had trouble driving on the way home hearing the kids talk about Mike and Ike's/ Apparantly my oldest doesn't get that that is the name and thinks they are Mike n Dyke's. How do you possibly correct that without calling attention to the word!

Wednesday we spent the morning at Victoria's and were once again served lunch. How nice! I got to feed Gretchen (whom the trio call's Grouch-en) her cereal which was a treat for me! The kids played well together and I enjoyed getting to visit with Victoria for awhile. We ran home, threw on our suits and then drove to Kellie's for swimming. All but Johnny got in the pool and had a ball. Lura was supposed to be there, but she didn't show up until we were leaving, so we visited with her for a little bit. Plans are now in the works for a campout/sleepover at Kellie's next week. I am sure any of you guys would be welcome! Cheryl, you have had the most camping experience lately!!!

I am off to clean and do laundry. Tomorrow we have playdate at Victoria's! I should have more fun pics to add to our playdate album.

Have a good day everyone. If I haven't told you all lately, I love you guys!!!!

I got this in an email and thought it was worth sharing!

2009-08-09T17:53:00.000-07:00

1. A friend of mine confused her Valium with her birth control pills... She has 14 kids but doesn't really care.
2. One of life's mysteries is how a 2-pound box of chocolates can make a woman gain 5 lbs.
3. My mind not only wanders, it sometimes leaves completely.
4. The best way to forget your troubles is to wear tight shoes.
5. The nice part about living in a small town is that when you don't know what you are doing, someone else does.
6. The older you get, the tougher it is to lose weight because by then, your body and your fat are really good friends.
7. Just when I was getting used to yesterday, along came today...
8. Sometimes I think I understand everything, and then I regain consciousness.
9. I gave up jogging for my health when my thighs kept rubbing together and setting fire to my underwear...
10. Amazing! You hang something in your closet for a while and it shrinks 2 sizes!
11. Skinny people irritate me! Especially when they say things like...'You know sometimes I forget to eat!' .....Now I've forgotten my address, my mother's maiden name and my keys, but I have never forgotten to eat. You have to be a special kind of stupid to forget to eat!
13. I read this article that said the typical symptoms of stress are eating too much, impulse buying, and driving too fast. Are they kidding? That's my idea of a perfect day!

2009-08-07T16:14:00.000-07:00

Six year old shopping spree at the Toy store!!!

Isn't she fashionable?

Luke's Blueberry

Sean showing his acorn he found

Gabe striking a football player pose

Today Sean took the day off, and Monday too! We had some fun family time - a picnic and hike at the nature trail and picking blueberries. The kids were their normal rambunctious selves, but it was nice to be out of the house on such a beautiful day!

I went to a rummage sale this morning that was fill a bag for 5 dollars. They handed our garbage bags and I got a lot of clothes for the kids. Caitlin got 2 pairs of pj's in the bag and was thrilled by that! Tonight she is wearing the satin rubber ducky ones.

Tomorrow we have no exciting plans, I want to get my laundry done and we might go to the drive in, depending on what is showing. It is nice because they only charge 6 dollars, I think for adults and kids are free so it is an affordable night for us.

I am over halfway done with a really cool cross stitch that I have been doing during my periods of insomnia. It is Mary Englebreit - I love her designs. I have another that is just waiting to be framed that I did while in the hospital a few years ago. I have designated a bin as my 'new house box' for things that I make or buy to go in our new house. It is my incentive for working hard to get out of here. I can't wait to be able to freely decorate again and paint my walls!

Gabe is finishing up his first week of football practice tonight. It is week one of conditioning, a really tough week. I am proud of him for sticking it out. He is not fond of it, but they say no kid is for the first few weeks as it is all tough exercises He looks so cute in his uniform too!

I took Luke, Caitlin, and Jonathan to Toys R Us for their birthday shopping on Tuesday. They had a ball and not only got a present (Old Grandma and Old Grandpa give them shopping $ each year) but gave me their Christmas lists! It is so fun to see them get so excited over little things. I also love how different their tastes are - they are definately their own persons!

Well, the pizza is about done in the oven, Caitlin is ready to crawl in the dryer to get her pj's, and I have to get dishes started. Hope you all have a good night!

Flashback Friday

2009-08-07T10:37:00.001-07:00

We Love and Miss you Angie!

GA-ross!!!! and a hee hee

2009-08-06T07:44:00.000-07:00

I was driving to McDonald's to meet Kellie and Miss Kristin (the trio and Tanis' former day care teacher) when I happened to flip my tongue and look in the mirror. It was so dark blue and looked like a slug. So, what do you do? You drive with your knees and take a picture while going down the road. I was later lectured on how unsafe this was, but the kids weren't with me, so I thought it was fine. I am sorry Kellie and Sean for my unsafeness. Notice that my hair and makeup are not done, I do those in the car too, and I still posted this! Woo hoo!

Later in the day Sean and I took our own picture while watching the triplets last tee ball game. He wouldn't let me show my tongue in this shot. I was slightly disappointed, but was informed that not everyone would think it was a neat as I did. The triplets did very well in their last game and are sorry that their season is over. I have several newspaper clippings that give Gabe and the triplets runs singles, doubles, and triples for each game. Now I have to get scrapbooking before I lose them!

It's Good To Have Friends

2009-08-05T07:34:00.000-07:00

I am a lucky girl. My kids are lucky too. I have the most wonderful friends and we get to see many of them regularly. I only wish that I could see my blog friends regularly too. I couldn't ask for better people to know and love and I am so thankful. Here are some random shots of friendship from the trio's party.

Triplets in Toledo

2009-07-31T07:44:00.001-07:00

Caitlin in the hat she wore when she had her eye surgery. Notice the bruise on her cheek - teeball injury!

Luke in the hat. What a stud!

Johnny was a tired boy!

Sitting on Nana's windowsill.

Gooey sundaes

How angelic!

We took the trio up to Toledo with us yesterday when we went to see Sean's mom. She was happy to see them. Gabe was with Amy and the girl's seeing GForce. He said it was Awesome, by the way. They were pretty good in the hospital, and then we took them to Friendly's for ice cream while Sean's dad (who rode with us) visited. I was not the navigator this time. Sean is holding to his word. Laura is doing well. She is stabilized and now it is just a waiting game until Monday. Thanks for all the prayers!

Fun with me in the car!!!

2009-07-31T07:36:00.000-07:00

Amanda the navigator. Notice how happy I am!

Sean wasn't so smiley. I said look like you love me! This is how he looked. I don't understand...

These are the last pictures you will ever see of Amanda the Navigator if Sean has his way. HE was the driver....he didn't HAVE to listen to me! Then, he had the nerve to be upset with me on the ride home when we spent half an hour driving around looking for someplace to get dinner because I didn't want McDonald's and after the half hour we ended up 5 minutes from the hospital. I just don't get it!! :)

Thursday doesn't even start......

2009-07-30T06:25:00.000-07:00

Any guesses on the song??? I think I have used it before, and I think Carrie knows.

So yesterday my mil was lifeflighted to Toledo. We got up there sometime around 8-ish. We would have been there sooner but-alas, I was the navigator. We only got lost one time on the way there, and YES, it was AFTER we got off the turnpike (you big bunch of smart asses.) Sean was not thrilled when we realized nothing looked familiar and I took out the camera to document our lostness in pictures. I got some great shots, I will download them later.
When we got to the hospital I saw the elevator doors shutting and a woman that looked like Laura inside. We got up to the 3rd floor and there she was in the hall. They had just taken her for a chest xray. Basically they aren't sure what is going on. They are going to do some sort of heart surgery today and she signed permission forms to say they can do dialysis.
So we are in a wait and see game. I hate the not knowing.

FYI to all parents. They passed the booster seat law finally, so kids under 8 AND under 57" have got to be in boosters. It is a secondary offense so you won't be pulled over for it, but if you are in an accident or pulled for a traffic stop they can ticket you.
Guess we have to replace the boosters again.

Lazy Sunday Afternoon

2009-07-26T13:23:00.000-07:00

Gabe is enjoying the day at Kalahari with his friend, Sam. The trio are playing and watching SB, Sean is taking a nap, and I am getting things done around the house. Thankfully Luke has not remembered the Fireman's Festival in Wakeman which we completely forgot about. He is going to be sore at us when he remembers.
This morning the kids had their VBS program in church. They sang, did sign language, and recited verses. It was really cute. It was not really cute when Caitlin decided to try and take off her sundress. She got the one side down, exposing her perky bosom, when she looked up and saw me shaking my head and mouthing NO!!! I am not sure what she was thinking.
She is obsessed with bras lately. My sis in law brought over all her daughters' old training bras and Caitlin has been in heaven! Yesterday she told me that "it is a good thing she has training bras because she really needs to start training!"
I am cleaning crayon out of my dryer and off clothes today. Both Sean and I had checked pockets, so I don't know how it snuck in, but boy what a mess! I finished Charlie Bone and the Invisible Boy - Charity, if your boys haven't read these, they'd really like them. So would you! It is reminiscent of Harry Potter. I read all books like that before I let Gabe read them because I like to know what he is reading and if I feel it is appropriate. We've decided we are getting him the Percy Jackson series and Charlie Bone for his birthday and Christmas. You can never have too many books! Oh, Cheryl, have you read the new James Patterson? Is is Swimsuit or something like that? I wondered if it was worth reading.
Luke just walked behind me and yanked my underwear to tell me he is bored, so I am going to go and entertain the troops. Hope you all enjoy the rest of your day!

2009-07-24T15:48:00.000-07:00

Well today was another winning day in Amanda's journey through motherhood. I am so stinkin' frustrated. I won't go into detail, it's the same it always is. Kids don't listen, mom cries, kids think it is a big joke, kids go to time out, mom needs stiff drink.
I wish I understood what I am doing that is so wrong. I guess I will never know.
Today was the final day of Bible school for the kids. They had a picnic afterwards and then Leo's Ark came with several different animals. Gabe held a snake, similar to what was in our basement, just a different kind. They also brought a tarantula, tortise, frog, fawn, and chinchilla. The kids loved getting up close with all the animals and holding/petting. I was a hero for a moment when I rescued the not to bright tortise from going into the street. That thing was heavy! They also had water balloon games that the kids all enjoyed. Then we had playdate at Victoria's. It may be my last time going to a playdate...my kids, not the fellow daters. That's where things started going downhill.
I need to scoot. I have a zillion things to do and motivation and energy for maybe one.
Have a good weekend.

Friday Fun at Victoria's

2009-07-20T07:24:00.000-07:00

Steven and Andrew

Gorgeous Gretchen

Johnny with the color puzzle

Luke showing his musical abilities

Steven and Andrew showing brotherly love

Gretchen

Caitlin and Steven doing a puzzle together

Steven in one of his many get-ups that day

Scarlett and Caitlin

Since Vic and I are obviously the coolest, we had a playdate by ourselves Friday. Between the 2 of us we still managed to have 10 kids for awhile. I had my 4 and my 2 nieces, and Vic had her 4. Kellie was in PA and Lura was selling a garage, so I guess they are still cool. :) We had a nice time visiting - as always - and the kids played, and were sometimes even well behaved! Gretchen amazed me with pushing herself up to standing on my lap and almost being a crawler! She is quite advanced for a four month old. I love the fact that she always has a smile for Auntie Amanda as soon as I pick her up. She is such a doll! I got to see the next quilt that Victoria is doing, which will be beautiful, I'm sure and I copied a lot of bread machine recipes. I don't know anyone with a greater cookbook collection that Vic!

The kids went to Bible School today and I am enjoying my few hours of quiet time. I pick them up at noon and hopefully they will be angelic for the rest of the day. Being at church should do that, right???

We had the Harris reunion on Saturday. It was nice, a lot of people from all over the country. I am always surprised at how far they travel to come. The organizers of it live in Arizona and do all the work from there to make it happen. Sean has some really neat relatives and they always make it fun. I wasn't wanting to go this year, but I am glad that we did. We only got slightly lost on the way there - it always seems to happen when Sean listens to my directions. I don't get it.

I need to go and fold laundry - will it ever end?! I am thinking of having my children become nudists, just so I don't have to wash their clothes. Caitlin changes outfits several times a day and my boys strip down to their boxers as soon as they walk in the door anyways!

Have a good day!

2009-07-16T07:56:00.000-07:00

I am cranky today. Blah. Just motherhood issues as always. I am running out of patience and ideas. Gabe has an appointment scheduled on Wednesday with a new doctor for his football physical and ADHD. I am going to inquire about stimulants. I was against them for a long time, but I think we have exhausted other options. When I say stimulants, I am talking about ritalin (sp) and that class of meds. The non stimulant class of meds was not effective. I have talked with several people who are around Gabe on a regular basis and they all feel that this is the best option now. The triplets are just feeding off of his behavior, so it is not pleasant at this house right now.

I keep trying to plan fun activities for the kids. We don't have much in the way of money, so I am looking for cheap or free things. We go to the library alot, to the park, we have been making homemade bread and watching how the dough changes, playdates, swimming, hiking, fruit picking, crafts.....I keep trying..

I was given a much needed laugh by Mr. Kevin W. yesterday! The picture of him and Alan is priceless~ Thank you Kevin!! Someday I will make it to Disney. If only to take a picture of myself next to all the Alan Alda memorabilia!

I have been reading up a storm lately. I haven't been sleeping to well, so I have been enjoying escaping into books. I have read The Last Olympian and Inkheart and recommend those books to everyone! The Last Olympian is the final book in the Percy Jackson series and it is a fantastic series!! I am reading Mean Season right now and also finished This Pen for Hire yesterday. I told Sean that when we buy a house again, I want a library area. I don't care if it is a closet lined with Bookshelves or designated space in the basement. I would love an area that I can surround myself in the books I love and escape for a few hours. I grew up with parents that always had a book with them and overflowing bookshelves all over the house. My aunts were the same, my sister, my cousins.... I guess that is why there are so many teachers in my family - and a librarian! I can remember being on vacation and waiting for one of my parents to finish a Dean Koontz or James Patterson and waiting for the chance to read it next!

I am rambling. I had a lot to talk about, but will do it later. I just wanted to say hi!

2009-07-09T09:48:00.000-07:00

I am on my way to the library with Tanis and the Triplets. Say a

prayer for me!!!!! They have promised to be good and leave all

of their clothes on and NOT discuss body parts or functions.

I hope that you are all having a good day.

Apron Giveaway

2009-07-06T16:53:00.001-07:00

I discovered this via Lura's blog and it is a fun read! You should all check it out.

Geocaching Fun

2009-07-04T12:21:00.000-07:00

Kellie talking to the group about the rules. Notice she is not addressing anyone inparticular......

Finding the first 'treasure!'

Tinkle break. This prompted a "Why we do not tinkle on our friends' talk.

Carmen and Aunt Amanda

Scarlett and the dead fish

creek hiking

Kellie going over the rules...........again!

Off we go into the woods! Everyone is still dry and wearing shoes.

Spontaneous reciting of the Pledge of Allegiance.

Yesterday Kellie and I took my kids, Tanis, and my nieces Carmen & Scarlett geocaching and hiking. It was really a fun time. We started at the Nature Trail and while unsuccessful at the geocaching, we had some fun hiking. Caitlin, Jonathan, Luke and I decided against the creek hike part - I was not prepared, but instead we got to climb down a steep slope and see lots of green goo. Despite accidentally leaving Carmen's shoes in the van when I made a quick stop back, and then having to piggyback her for the rest of the way, it was fun. We ended at Woodlawn Cemetary where we found 2 treasures and got in a lot of walking. Great exercise and great fun!!

I am going to take the lazy girl way out and direct you to Kellie's blog to read about the rest of our adventure.

Happy 4th!

Another treasure in our town...

2009-06-30T07:03:00.000-07:00

Gabe does not have the greatest batting stance, but he is working on it. As you can see here, he doesn't keep his elbow up. How frustrationg!!! So we took him to the batting cages. They have baseball and softball, fast, slow or regular. For one dollar you get fifteen pitches. You supply your own bat and skill (if you have it). Sean and I tried as well, he did awesome. I unfortunately embarrassed myself, but I figured the dramatic strikes did some good for my waistline! I think this would be a great girl's day activity. Imagine the fun we could have! :)

I am also waiting for Kellie to call with our tennis date. Sean and I are actually a bit excited. I took tennis lessons one summer - many years ago. I stunk. But it wasn't as bad as ballet where the dance instructor informed my mom that "Maybe Amanda should try a different field of dance." I thought I was great. I did, however, become an awesome tap dancer. Maybe I could have Sean tape me doing 'Country Western, Yahoo' and post it on here. I know Kellie, Lura, and Victoria could vouch for my talent!

I am still battling a horrible cold. It has settled in my chest and I am miserable. I wish the kids would understand that I need them to cooperate! All I wanted to do yesterday was lay down when Sean got home and instead he wasn't feeling well, so I had to watch the kids and fix dinner and put them to bed. I don't mind, but if I don't get rest I am not going to get over this!

Tonight the kids all have ball games, so I am praying for rain. Is that awful of me?

I need to go to the library today so I can get the kids some new books. I don't know if I want to take the monsters though. They are being rotten!!!!

Okay, enough complaining. I hope that you all have a great day. Sonya and Cheryl, please let us know about your dad. I have been praying for him!

Love you all!

Captain Procrastinator is back....

2009-06-29T05:14:00.000-07:00

Tyler, Isaiah, Ethan, Caitlin, Luke, and Jonathan

I loved Luke's expression in this picture!

Here are the pics from Lura and I going to BK with the kiddos. We put the 6 kids into a booth and then we sat behind them. I don't understand why the room cleared out within 5 minutes after we sat down!

I am going to pretend I feel really bad about the fact that I haven't even looked at my paper. I am sick and have been taking 2 Benedryl sinus every 5 hours so I figured that I should not even attempt it. Although maybe the Benedryl would make me extra creative. Imagine all the fun I could have talking about fecal matter and flatulence! I could always resurrect 'Siggy the Sigmoid Colon' that I created for Debby and illustrate the paper....To answer Kevin's wonderful question - of course I will write the whole paper w/o using a : ! Oh, and I have been looking to see if anymore celebriies are sporting an eye patch for the summer.

I have to take the kids to the library this morning for story hour and to check out some new books. They are looking forward to it. I get 45 minutes of quiet so I don't want to miss out on that too! Yesterday I read James Patterson's Honeymoon and the second Charlie Bone book. I can't wait to read the next one! In total I believe I read over 600 pages, on Benedryl too! Go me! It is an uncommon luxury to get that much reading time.

I'll post more later....Have a great day!

Happy Saturday!

2009-06-27T14:51:00.001-07:00

Steven, Caitlin, Jonathan, Jakob running in the back, Gabe, and Gretchen

Gabe and Gretchen

Bedtime is almost here for the kids and I am looking forward to some quiet time. I have a paper on Crohn's disease to finish and I want to do some reading for my own enjoyment. It has been a busy day with the kids and I am ready to relax. Gabe and Sean are getting the 8 million bags of brush from my mom to take to the brush pile. I swear she weeds every yard in the neighborhood!!

Yesterday was a nice (?) day. Lura and I caravanned garage saled. It would have been much better if we could have driven together, but the passenger seatbelt in my van wasn't fixed until today and Lura didn't feel like being illegal. What a party pooper!! I don't drive that bad. The door sliding open when I turned the corner yesterday was totally NOT my fault!! Garage saleing with 6 kids is not the most relaxing activity. Especially when one of the kids finds a plastic recorder flute thing and when told to put it down, drops it so then his mother has to buy it. Those things are annoying!!!!

After a nice break, HA!!!!!, lunching at Burger King we went to Victoria's for a playdate. Because what is more relaxing than spending the afternoon with 11 kids? I am joking, I love being with all the kids and there mom's. Even if it is crazy, loud, and I go home and cry, I love getting to spend time with them.

Tomorrow is church and Hazel's birthday at my mom's. Hopefully I will be able to report that my paper is done too!

Nature! Nature! Nature!!!

2009-06-24T11:17:00.001-07:00

Johnny and Gabe

Gabe and Mom. Does this count for a full body shot? I have on no makeup and didn't wash my hair!

Goofball

At the start of the trail.

The kids and I discovered a treasure that our town has that we had never done. It is a really nice nature walk. It was 92 degrees out, but felt at least 20 degrees cooler in the woods. We saw a ton of butterflies and had some land on us. Of course everytime I tried to take a picture they flew away, but the kids loved it! The triplets decided that Tanis and Auntie Kellie need to come back with us sometime. We then tried to go blueberry picking, but they are still closed for ripening. I figured they would be, but wanted to check all the same. Tomorrow we are going on another mini adventure, so I guess I had better start planning!

Lots of Little Things...

2009-06-23T07:19:00.000-07:00

Let's see....the past week has been a full one. On Thursday the Gabe had his first softball game. He did really well. We bought him a bat over the weekend and are going to take him to the batting cages to work on his swing. He tends to reach for the ball and while he hits it, it isn't the right way. He was tickled to finally get to play as the prior games had kept getting rained out. We did have a minor issue when we got to the ballpark. Sean pulled into a parking spot in the lot and me, being the ever thinking wife that I am, saw that there were 2 open spots by the field. I figured that since the triplets were with us and they tend to get antsy, we could park right next to the field and then if we needed to put them in the van, one of us would be able to see from the car. Smart thinking....right? I thought so. So Sean pulled into the road, turned around in a driveway and pulled into the spot. Unfortunately he didn't see the firehydrant. He backed right into it and it tore a hole in our bumper and put a good sized dent in the hatch. This is our new to us van! He was quite upset....with me! Can you believe that one? He was even more unhappy when I had him go back to the parking lot and park where we originally started. He did later say that it wasn't my fault, so I felt a bit better. I need to learn to keep my big mouth shut about parking!!!

Friday we had our playdate. The kids had a ball and I think all the mom's enjoyed themselves too. It was so much fun to watch them play - and have tantrums! Kellie's house is a perfect playdate house because she has a great yard! I love spending time with Kellie, Lura and Vic. so I look forward to Friday's this summer even more!

Last night was the triplets t-ball game against Lura's nephew, Lochlyn. It is always such a hoot to watch the trio play. I made sure the kids all had shoes on when we left, unfortunately I didn't check to see what shoes. Caitlin was good, Jonathan had on two different shoes, and Luke had on two left shoes. I thought maybe it might make them speedier.....nope. Luke's first time up to bat he swung so hard he missed the ball and hit himself in the head! They are so fun to watch. Lura came to see them and Lochlyn and she took several pictures of me in the stands. I was flattered until she showed me that she was actually taking the pics of the guy behind me and using me as an excuse! How nice!!!
Gabe started football camp today and Sean is working 15 hours today. I am already going insane with the kids!!!!!

Friday's playdate

2009-06-20T17:41:00.000-07:00

The 11 kids!!!

Beautiful Gretchen

Victoria, Kellie, Amanda, and Lura

Here are a few of the photos, the rest are on Facebook. Isn't baby Gretchen the cutest? I am so lucky to have these girlfriends! I love spending time with them and our kids have a ball together. God blessed me with such wonderful friends.

2009-06-19T06:52:00.000-07:00

the picture is coming. I never realized how hard it would be to take one. I hate full body shots!
On our way to Kellie's for a playdate. Should be some good pics to come out of this! Hope Kevin is feeling better. Lots of Love to you all!

My Fat Butt Idea....

2009-06-14T17:30:00.000-07:00

So here's my new idea. Lura posts her weight on her blog to help with incentives. I can't do that - the numbers don't go high enough. Charity posts the number of miles she walks. I can't do that - the numbers don't go low enough. So tomorrow, if I get up the nerve. I am going to post a totally uncensored picture of myself in my exercise clothes. You all thought I was going to say birthday suit or underwear, admit it! I will not try and take it from a more flattering angle, cut off sections of my body with the crop feature or anything. Then I will post a new one each month in the same clothes. Hopefully I will be able to show improvement! I really need help being kept accountable as I am the world's worst emotional/stress eater and can easily pack on the pounds.
I am really, really hoping to lose weight by the summer party on August 2nd! I want to go in the bounce house without fearing it will deflate!!!